So, it's been a really long time since I've updated this thing. Let me tell you what's gone on in that time:
I fell in love.
My heart got broken.
I've lost a few friends.
I've gained others.
I now write poetry.
I'm also now depressed.
I've started highschool.
My life has changed drastically.
So here's how the falling in love part happened:
My ex-best friend has an ex boyfriend. He liked me for a little bit. We started talking. He knows me better than any other boy on this planet. I don't even know how it happened. We talked for about three months, then kinda just lost touch. Two months after that we started talking again. I fell harder the second time. We talked.. Less than a month. But again, he became the boy that knew me better than myself. Right after school started, he found out I still had feelings for him. He had no clue, still has no clue, how deep those feelings are. He told me to get over him. That there were other guys better than him for me. Until then, he didn't want to talk to me. He didn't really want it, but he thought that it would make it easier for me. Of course that only made me love him that much more. But I still didn't know I loved him at this point.
The Heartbreak:
Me and one of my best friends we're texting about the feelings we had for boys.. That's when it hit me. I was in love. Yes, I had loved him before that but love and in love are two totally different things. It scared me and I didn't want to admit it, but I did. That's when I realized why my heart hurt all the time now. The one person I fell in love with didn't want me. Anything to do with me. I went out of order on the list.
The Depression:
I'm thinking about killing myself a lot lately. I won't actually do anything, I've promised too many people I won't try it again. My heart hurts. All the time. It's not a stabbing pain. It's more like a pressure. It just never goes away. I guess I'm learning to live with it now, because I'm starting to like other people, which I hope is a good sign. I'm even starting to be in good moods again.
The Poetry:
My home life sucks. I get mad- I write. My love life sucks. I get sad- I write. All the negative motions bubble up inside of me and explode on to paper. It's where I get my inspiration, if that's what you want to call it. I have a few posted in the arena and one in the forums. This is the only place I post cause no one actually knows me.
Losing Friends:
Remember the boys ex? My ex best friend? Well she's still a close friend but I can't tell her a lot these days. I've lost so many I can't even remember a lot of them.
Gaining Friends:
I've gained... Three extremely close friends. They're my best friends actually. They are saving my life everyday, and they mean more to me than they will probably ever know. I can tell them absolutely anything. They are what keep me here, why I choose to go on.
Highschool:
Is not what I thought it would be. Dreaming it was different than living it.
My Life:
You've pretty much read it in the above. It's a sad little thing, isn't it? This will probably help me from going insane. I guess that's sad too, isn't it?
cuts-and-scars Community Member 
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