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(Sorry I went up north (cause that's what my family does all summer) and I've been working on an online summer school course ever since I got back (monday). So yeah, that's my excuse)

So I left off last time when me and my ex got back together. Since we had been together so much before, our physical relationship developed pretty fast. Aka, it was less than a week before I figured I should probably stop cutting my sides or else he would notice. So I stopped all together. I really liked him and I know that he really liked me too (the only reason I'm not using the word love here is because I don't want to sound like a stereotypical teen) so I knew it would really hurt him if he ever found a fresh one on me.

That's only half of the reason though. Well...more than half...but still not the full story.

So the first saturday(?) after we got together I was voting on secrets on this site, (www.sixbillionsecrets.com). I saw this one about this thing called butterfly project. It's where you draw a butterfly in the place that you normally cut and you try to not cut until the butterfly has faded. It's supposed to give you a feeling of achievement or something. (It's on Recover your life (a self-harmer help place) and then here's a tumblr completly devoted to it it seems.) But anyways. I think I was somewhat crazy that night? I can't really remember why or what logic I was using, but for some reason I carved a butterfly into the side of my palm. (A Picture of it. Can you see the butterfly? It's really faint now. This is after over 5 months of healing.) But yeah. I had to put marker over the cut so that people wouldn't notice what it was. And just like that I was a part of the butterfly project.

I really liked drawing butterflies. I think the most I had drawn on me at one time would probably be around...20-25? I really was obsessed with it. I know there's alot of people who don't understand why it works. They think "Why should I care about this stupid little butterfly? I need to cut" (or something like that I'm guessing). What they don't understand is that the butterfly represents so much more that what it actually is. You're supposed to write a name for the butterflies...give them meaning you know? (needless to say, all of mine were for the guy) So really, when you cut you aren't just hurting the butterflies, you're hurting the people that you love and that love you. I like the symbolism there. It really shows that self-harming doesn't only harm yourself.

But now it's late and I actually do have stuff to do tomorrow. People probably prefer something shorter like this to my old one.

I think I'm going to finish these with random facts. Like the confessions that those people keep doing on facebook. Except I've already confessed alot to you guys so I'll need to think.

1. When I was younger, I thought that everyone was a robot and I was the only human. Now that I'm older, I still have trouble thinking of people as real. It scares me sometimes. So I pretend that there isn't anyone else out there. Only me. (like I was telling you guys last time)