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I think I am the worse person to fall in love with. Merely because i push everyone I grow close to away. In a way, I think I feel..maybe they are worth more and they deserve better. I know I push people away because.. maybe I dont want them to push me away. I know i have this quirk. Of all the friends and loves I have had that I pushed away merely because I thought they were far off better without me... I think I did them a favor. On the outside, I might be the happy, random weird girl everyone always sees... but thats on the outside. How did that crazy man say it.. "If you can see, I am smiling... but on the inside I'm crying.. You might join me in a tear or two.." Yeah... Thats the surface. I may open up to just a few people... and only this few will see how crazy I am. I'd call myself a crazy closet basketcase. I do enjoy making friends. I love my friends.
My best friends irl are either in the Army, Marines, Air Force, and the Navy. Vin(Sargeant), Mayumi(Back in Japan), Darren(Navy and in Virginia), Ron(Armylug,dont know where.. have to check his fb. XD), Emmanuel (Marines), Monty(Marines), Suzette(Army R.I.P dear), Amanduhhhh (College, BYU), and of course my best bud in the world.. Noni(Imisshim Marines OOhrah!) XD I know theyre coming back for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I really need to get a pic of the whole gang when they return.. And when I get home as well. I miss my home. Here in Flagstaff. Its nice. getting cold. Its a bit windy today, but I got my heateron. lol. It gets lonely from time to time. I dont know much people outside my work. When I'm home.. I usually study, write, talk on Messenger to friends and now on Gaia. Play the piano, jam on mah guitar(I'm not good at it yet ok. My brother left it to me), listen to music.. Dance. I love dancing. Sing.
I will admit, that being here alone without any friends or family, it does get a bit lonely. My coworkers drag me to events from time to time. I suppose they wish to be my friend outside of work. Thats cool too. But you know when you find that one person.. you hang on to and they hang onto you and your never alone.. Not a lover.. A bestbud. XD I really miss my best friend Noni. Freakin Marine! XD He use to have really long hair.. omg I almost fell for him. XD Until he joined the marines... He came back and I was like.. NUuuuuuuu you got scalped! XD ~lesigh~ But no. He'll always be the kid I beat up in Preschool.
Soo.. being here on gaia is interesting. People turn on each other quite easily and they talk shitt alot too. I try not to do that. I realized a month ago that I was kind of stupid. I was the ish talker. I found that to be very fugly indeed. Sorry to those I talked shitaki about. Maybe you deserved it maybe you didnt. Either way. sorry. LMAO!
Mk. This is forever Star. As always. A bit.. sad and bummed.. but oh well.
Over and out sugahs. heart
 ll trouble ll · Tue Oct 23, 2012 @ 04:11pm · 0 Comments |
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