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Yet another day of hell via Shadow's mother. The email:
In a message dated 12/1/2004 7:02:32 PM Pacific Standard Time, cdawgjf@msn.com writes:
1. What safety?!?!?! The whole point is you could be a 50 year old
pediphile PRETENDING to be a 16 year old girl. That's what safety I'm
talking about. Anybody can be anybody they want on the net. Sheesh!! How
many times do you hear on the news or read in the paper about people luring
kids into dangerous and sometimes DEADLY situations on the internet?!?
Heck, there was another news story just last night!!

I don't know what personal information may or may not have been exchanged
even though Chris knows he shouldn't give out personal information. But
since he's breaking rules and doing things he knows I wouldn't approve of I
can't be 100% sure no personal information has been exchanged.

2. As it was late, as it is now, I chose to address the two most important
concerns.

3. I tink you misunderstand my concerns about including Chris in your
problems. "Protecting" him from someone who is suicidal is the right thing
to do regardless of whether you agree or not. You are not the only person
facing the situation you claim to be in. It may not be easy but there is a
way out. I am an example of that. Committing suicide IS NOT the answer.

4. I choose not to give you my email address.

5. Why my questions should make you uncomfortable is a little perplexing.
If you have nothing to hide they are legitimate questions.

6. I haven't asked you for any personal information. YOU offered your
state I.D. etc. (which I did not say I wanted by the way). You have every
right to be skeptical of my questions being that you've never met me, just
as I am skeptical of you. But considering the type of questions I am asking
its a safe bet that I am a concerned mother and nothing more.

The bottom line is I don't want my son ending up an online stastistic. I
don't want my son involved with someone who does nothing but talk about
committing suicide. If that continues, I WILL cut all contact between you
two and I've already explained to Chris how I can do that. I will continue
to monitor his contact and if there is any more talk of suicide or "net sex"
that's it. I hope you choose to get help rather than take the easy way out.

>From: Ilovemusic310954@aol.com
>To: cdawgjf@msn.com
>Subject: Re: I'm so sorry (For Chris's Mom ONLY)
>Date: Wed, 1 Dec 2004 08:54:08 EST
>
>
>1. How can you not prove they are mines? My schoool number is on there,
>you
>can call and ask there. My social security number is on my state I.D. or
>else
>I would be more than happy to mail that to you for its authenicity. And
>what safety? Were chatting on the net its not like were conversing outside
>of
>it. Hire as many investigators as you need, I don't think my mom will
>approve
>of it, but you do what you must to feel secure about the situation. I
>assure
>you I'm the real deal, and since there is nothing I can do to confirm this
>otherwise I have no choice but to endure all of this. Have them come and
>scout
>my house, poke and probe me until you feel its sufficent enough for you to
>allow us to talk again. I know you love and care for your son but your
>taking
>this a bit far, ma'm. Its not like I have his address or he has mine, its
>not
>like I know anything about him except the personality he displays on the
>net.
>Thats all I know, nothing vital which could cause either of us harm. But I
>will admit I do admire your persistance on the issue. You seem like a
>really
>good mother.
>
>2. What happened to the other questions? Are they not valid to this point
>or
>did my answers please you or something? I'd like to know if you don't mind
>telling me.
>
>3. I didn't mean for my answer to question 5 to bother you. Don't take
>this
>the wrong way, but some people just can't handle the reality others face
>and
>though your responce depresses me I'm a 'big girl now' and I can handle
>it.
>I'm not trying to involve your son in anything, I figure he's old enough
>(that
>is, if either of you have disclosed a true age) to hear of these things;
>most kids are protected from the world and I don't see why. I wasn't
>protected
>from anything and its not like its done me any harm.
>
>Yea, I know suicide would hurt Chris...but what else am I to do? I'm not
>about to live a hopeless life of no escape when I will never even be able
>to
>talk to him again. Whats the point? I'm sick of seeing death, drugs, and
>destruction right outside my doorstep and I finally meet a kid a million
>miles away
>who makes me feel like its not so bad and then I am banned from talking to
>him. Theres no point to live if I'm just going to suffer and slowly twirl
>down
>a spiral of depression when I can just end it now and be done.
>
>I don't want to involve him in my problems. But he wants to help, and...I
>dunno. I love him to much to deny him something he wants. But for both of
>our
>well being I will do what I can not to discuss such things with him; its
>going to suck though if I do commit and then he never even know's what
>happened
>to me. I think that would hurt me worse if someone never told me.
>
>Talk to a guidence councler in school, huh? lol~don't you think I've done
>that? I'm not stupid about my well being. I'm not some Emo running around
>crying about how the world is so cruel and yet doing nothing about it.
>I've went
>to social workers, hospital officials, everything I could think of and
>everyone says there is nothing wrong with me. Except that one social
>worker who told
>me I needed to see an official councler person but my mom refused to take
>me
>which means I can't pay for it which means I can't go. Mom's so lazy
>sometimes...its like as long as I am doing good in school none of my other
>problems
>exists and I wish she would just listen to me sometimes.
>
>Everyone else I ever talk to about it claim 'Oh, you have so much going
>for
>you to do something like that', and thats all. Thats all the advice I get
>to
>continue living my life, and that stopped being helpful when I was 13. I
>don't live in a nice rich kid neighborhood, no one cares about a kid from
>the
>projects and thats all I am to the world. Just another number and another
>person
>who doesn't matter at all in the longrun because I don't have money to
>'make
>everything all better'.
>
>4. Um...do you have an email adress I can email you at ^^;;this way I am
>not
>sending the
>email thorugh him?
>
>5. To be quiet honest all these questions make me extremly uncomfortable
>and
>nervous dispite your noble reasoning for doing all this.
>
>Yea, I care about your son. But see, I don't know him. All I know is what
>he
>tells me and the personlity he displays on the net, thats all I know and
>I'm
>taking quiet a risk just talking to you who claim to be his mother. I'm
>not
>saying I don't believe you, I'm sayign I'm not stupid. I don't really
>understand what all this is about, all I know is your trying to get
>information out
>of me and I'm not sure I should be giving it to you for my own safety. But
>every girl has a 'stupid' moment in her life, and I guess this is just
>mines.
>So you ask away at all the information you want and I will gladly provide
>it.
>I'm just hoping I won't end up dead in a few weeks as a result of caring
>so
>much for someone I have never even seen.
>
>
>In a message dated 11/30/2004 10:52:09 PM Eastern Standard Time,
>cdawgjf@msn.com writes:
>
>1. Your report card or state ID would do me no good because I can't prove
>they are yours. Maybe the only way for me to know for sure is through a
>private investigator. Yes, my son's safety and well being are well worth
>the expense.
>
>2. Your answer to question 5 is very troubling. I don't know what kind
>of
>life you have and until I am 100% confident that you are who you say you
>are
>I am not even going to get involved in that. I don't think you should be
>involving my son either, particularly if you have suicidal thoughts. If
>you
>say you care about him, why would you consider suicide knowing what it
>would
>do to him? I know some people have problems but I believe you can
>converse
>with my son without involving him in your problems, NO MATTER WHAT HE
>SAYS.
>If you seriously have suicidal thoughts you need to talk with a guidance
>counselor at school, a trusted teacher...I'm sure there IS a trustworthy
>adult for you to talk to if you REALLY wanted to. There are even
>confidential counseling services available. So there is someone besides
>my
>son to help you through whatever it is you are going through.
>
>
>
>

The IM discussing the email:
Chris : i'm back
Chris : sorry bout that
Chris : RO is not my concern now
Chris : I don't care about RO I care about how this whole situation will tunr out
Chris : I've beeen talking to dad
Chris : and he shed new light on the situation
Courtney : Such as?
Chris : He told me about mom
Courtney : ?
Chris : how sh'e been reacting to this whole situation
Chris : As her tone stands towards you it firm and knows what she's doing
Chris : but in truth...
Chris : in truth she's afraid
Chris : and i understand now why
Chris : and i know now
Chris : it's not jsut up to you to make this work
Chris : I have a part in this as well
Chris : and i don't know exactly ow to do it myself
Chris : but i will figure it out
Courtney : Okay I'm lost
Chris : nvm then
Courtney : Not nvm
Chris : You just keep answering her question truthfully
Chris : I ahve a job to do
Chris : as well
Courtney : I get what your satying but this whole situation is creeping me the hell out
Chris : don't be frightened
Courtney : Excuse my language, but thwere's no better way yo express it
Chris : You'd have to hear everything dad todl me to fully understand
Courtney : Then do tell
Chris : No
Chris : It's not that important
Chris : what's important
Chris : is that we make this work
Courtney : Because if it wasn't for my persitance to prove to you all I am real, I'd be long gone. This whole thing is really starting to scare me and I can't back off or else its like your mom 'wins', and I aint about to be beatin
Courtney : I hate my pride, but its all I got and I won't lose it
Chris : moms about to read the the emails now
Courtney : Alright
Courtney : Done reading yet/
Courtney : *?
Chris : She is
Chris : She sent a reply
Courtney : Ooo
Courtney : Beh
Courtney : It wont be sent till tommrow
Courtney : crying
Chris : Yea why won't it be sent till tomorrow?
Courtney : Either my computer hates Yahoo, or Yahoo hates my computer
Courtney : /sob
Chris : Mom is here too BTW XD
Chris : mom's leaving
Courtney : XD
Courtney : I swear your mom rocks /ok
Courtney : Giggles: Hee Hee
Chris : Yea
Chris : shedoes
Chris : but...
Courtney : I wish the email was sent now
Chris : honestly
Chris : when it think about it makes me sad
Courtney : What does?
Chris : because of everything she does
Chris : there's always a part that doesn't appreciate it
Courtney : ?
Chris : I wish i completly appreciated everything mom does
Chris : her love her caring
Chris : everything...
Courtney : Eh...I dunno what to say. I mean...everyone underappreciates their mom, its like apart of life. And when I get older and have kids of my own its so gunna suck XP 'cause I will have to endure the same thing
Courtney : I try really hard not to do that to my mom, I look so hard for reasons to appreciate her /ok
Chris : as i was sayign earlier
Courtney : /swt Well thats a rash change of subject
Chris : butr ti relates to the mother topic
Chris : so it' not that harsh
Chris : i' honetsly don't knwo what more to say
Chris : I wish i did
Chris : 'I want to say more
Chris : but ican't think of anymore
Chris : i'm sorry for myself because i can't
Courtney : What?
Courtney : O.o
Courtney : What are you talking about?
Courtney : @_@ Whats going on?
Chris : I can't say more about appreciation
Chris : because i do'nt knwo what more to say
Chris : you siad it was arash change of subject
Courtney : Oh
Courtney : Okay
Courtney : XD
Courtney : I get it now
Courtney : Sorry
Chris : Yea me too
Courtney : I'm tiered kinda
Courtney : Aww, dont be
Courtney : ::glomps you:: ^^
Chris : :: hugs you ::
Chris : can i change subjects now?
Chris : well not a complete change
Chris : but a change none the less
Courtney : O.o
Courtney : Wow your acting funny now
Courtney : I don't care
Chris : You say i'm acting funny
Courtney : You're acting like a tottally opposite person...
Chris : it's because of what dad told me
Courtney : Well tell me
Courtney : Please
Chris : He told me how much mom cares about me
Chris : how i'm hers and dad only son
Chris : and how i my mothers heart
Chris : I occupy the most of her heart
Chris : He told me
Chris : that she loves me more than anyody
Chris : more then himself
Chris : more than nicole
Chris : more than Nyeisha
Chris : then he told me that mom was afraid
Chris : that i'd run off and be raped and beaten or even worse...killed
Chris : he told me that she went to bed crying one night
Chris : wow
Chris : even i 'm startign to cry a little
Chris : I just had a tear run down my cheek
Chris : He told me that I have to hel pas well
Chris : I have to help make her feel secure about talking to you
Chris : But i don't know ho
Chris : *how
Chris : What's even weirder
Chris : is the fact that
Chris : I showed mom your pic
Chris : and she saia you look fermilier
Chris : strange
Chris : Are you there
Chris : Don't tell me you fell asleep
Chris : Courtney
Chris : Courtney?
Courtney : Oh no, I'm here
Chris : oh
Chris : for a sec i thought i was wastign my breath
Courtney : ...
Chris : You weren't saying nothing
Chris : you did that to me one time too XD
Chris : when you thought I wasn't listening
Chris : but that's not important
Chris : What do you have to say in respanseto what i've said
Chris : responce
Chris : sorry if i sound harsh
Courtney : Chris we can't be friends anymore, we can't talk ,we can't associate, nothing of the sort anymore. If your mother is hurting like that I won't be the cause of it anymore. And despite what you said, according to your mothers emails I'm no closer to having her like me than when she didnt even know of my existance. Its like no matter what I say your mother is aganist it and prosecuting me as if I am on trial for murder. I wanted to prove I existed to you all, but I will not sit around and be 'dumbed down' as your mother trys to do what she can to do...whatever the hell she calls herself doing.
Courtney : I'm sorry. I really am. But there's nothing I can do.
Chris : NO Courtney
Chris : Don't do this
Courtney : I could probably show up on your doorstep and she still wouldn't except me to be tue
Chris : WE can work this out
Chris : We will be abel to work this out
Courtney : No WE can't. Your mother already made her choice
Chris : I juust have to do my part as well
Chris : I have to give her a reason to trust you
Chris : which i have not done
Chris : because i've been lost too how to do it
Courtney : You only know me on the net there's no way you can prove it
Courtney : Nothing that will satisfy her hunger
Chris : I'm sure it will somehow
Chris : I won't loose one of my best friends
Courtney : If she;s crying at night because of this for whatever twisted reason i wont have that on my councious
Chris : I do not want to i haven't lost a friend yet and i don't plan on starting
Chris : It is not every night
Chris : just one night
Chris : I don't know which it was dad never told me
Chris : as far as i know it could've have been the night she first found out
Courtney : She's just like my mom...she only cares about her son....thats not fair....your probably just like todd...you probably get away with ******** murder and she turns her head away becayse your her only son. Thats no excuse...shes just like my mom...
Courtney : And what the hell is she talking about?!?! How often do I EVER talk to you about commiting suicide?
Chris : you got the email
Courtney : yea I got the email
Chris : ah
Chris : See
Chris : Taht what i meant
Chris : I haven't said nothing
Chris : I haven't been palying my part
Chris : I have to find a way to counter what she says
Chris : most of it
Chris : that way safety can becoem more secure
Chris : jsut a liitle bit mre secure
Courtney : She's just like those Emo's, I dont care if she read's this its how i feel. All she does is read those bad things about the net and allow that to control her life and train of though and god thats so annoying
Chris : see with that attitude it seem as if you don't want to be friends
Chris : because if you said that to her
Chris : I would not be talking to you now
Courtney : What do you expect me to do??
Chris : But i mean you tellign the truth
Courtney : Everynight she responds to an email she does nothing but tell me about how much I'm lying and how I'm a bad person and crap.
Courtney : I'm telling the truth
Courtney : What, do I need to do cartwheels around the world for her to believe me or soemthing?
Courtney : I don't know what to do. This is fustrating
Chris : Do you want me to get her now
Courtney : I want to be your friend. But no matter what I do she shoots me down
Courtney : And I crash to the ground and break into a thousand peices and try to peice myself together before the next day of school
Courtney : I haven't gotten any sleep because I've been agonizing over this since this started
Courtney : I'm not guilting you
Courtney : Dont take it that way
Courtney : I'm stating the facts
Chris : I"m not
Chris : I want to be your friend too but i don't even know what to do
Courtney : God this is so stupid
Courtney : Sheesh!! How
many times do you hear on the news or read in the paper about people luring
kids into dangerous and sometimes DEADLY situations on the internet?!?

Courtney : I'm not luring you into anythign!!
Chris : in her case
Chris : a lot
Chris : a whole lot
Chris : at elast once or twice a week
Courtney : I'm not telling you to meet me somewhere, were nto talking on the phone nothing
Courtney : I haven't done anything wrong
Courtney : Okay...maybe some stuff wrong, but nothing to deserve this treatment
Chris : I need to do something
Courtney : I am not the best person in the world but I do not deserve to be treated like this
Courtney : They regard you as if your in prison or something....
Chris : duh
Chris : that right
Chris : one more thing dad said
Courtney : Chosing only to adress the things she finds fit. Thats very ignorant and disrepectful on her part...I treat her with the utmost respect and I only talkt o her on the net
Chris : He is telling the truth
Chris : My dad
Chris : He told mom
Chris : that he's sure i won't do something stupid
Courtney : Your not an idiot
Chris : and with her doing this
Courtney : You wont jeperdise yourself like that
Chris : i will only start cause ing to want to do something stupid
Courtney : She treating this situation as if your fresh out your diapers and need to be shielded from the world
Chris : YEs he todl she needs to stop babiying me
Chris : *her
Courtney : How am I suppose to respond to her emails?
Courtney : This is like religion, you can only have faith in it
Courtney : If she can believe the bible then she can believe I am real
Courtney : God...I am about to dig myself into something I won't get out of
Chris : I'm sp speechless
Courtney : And then ontop of that there's nothing you can say or do either
Courtney : This is just lovely
Chris : I feel so helpless
Courtney : I get to sit around and take abuse from some kids mom I don't even know because I love him
Courtney : Its always nice to see the rewarding prospects love can bring
Chris : This turning bad
Chris : very abd
Chris : I promised myself I'd never let this happen again
Courtney : Again?
Courtney : ???
Chris : You told me
Chris : no wait
Chris : scratch taht
Courtney : ?
Chris : I promised myself I'd never let this happen to you again
Chris : from what you've told me
Chris : all your loves have goen wrong
Courtney : This will be a lovely addtion to my collection
Chris : I want to change that
Courtney : =_=
Chris : I don't want to be added to that
Courtney : Please note the sarcasm there
Chris : and i won't let it
Chris : I know
Chris : I know it was sarcasim
Courtney : I need to clarify for the other readers, though
Chris : this si not going to end wrong
Courtney : Apparently your mother is going to do everything in her power to ensure it does
Chris : I won't let her
Chris : I will not
Chris : This won't be another addition
Chris : It will be a change
Courtney : You're going to get into trouble...
Courtney : Then your mom will blame it on me and forbid us to talk
Chris : no she will not
Courtney : Her bit has become predictable
Courtney : Bro, you read her email to me? I believe it is so
Courtney : Everyone I tell what happened to don't understand her behavior, not my mom, not my teachers, the counclers, no one...
Chris : Well i belvie different;y
Courtney : Thats sad, really sad
Chris : HOw so?
Courtney : How so what?
Chris : Sad that i belive Your friendship is important to me
Courtney : ?
Chris : argh
Chris : now i'm just babling on
Chris : I don't know what to say
Courtney : No, I was saying its sad because no one understander your mom behavior
Chris : i don't know what to do
Courtney : Just talk to me
Courtney : Anything you say is comforting enough
Chris : alls i know
Chris : IS that I want to be your friend
Courtney : I want to be your friend
Chris : and no matter what mom says or does
Courtney : I want to do anything to be your friend...but there's only so much I can do
Chris : I will always be you friend
Courtney : Your mom has a good way of breaking someone, you know"?
Chris : Now i do
Courtney : how am I suppose to respond to her mail?
Chris : I wish i knew
Courtney : I have comments, but anything I say will be rude and your not suppose to talk to an adult like that...even tjhough they reserve the right to do the same to you...
Chris : alls i'm perplexed on is doing what dad said
Courtney : What did he say?
Chris : He todl me that i have to help confort mom about letting us be friends
Chris : and assure her i won't do anythign stupid
Chris : because i know i won't
Chris : Dad says HE not against us being friends
Chris : *he's
Courtney : Why the hell is she trippin? I would understand if I lived where you did in your cityt or something but I am hundreds of miles away and poor ontop of that
Courtney : There's nothng I cna do to even get to you
Courtney : Why is she being like this??
Chris : i'm gonna sk her tomorrow
Chris : I'm going to ask her
Chris : how are you supose to prove your real
Chris : becaus these wuestions
Courtney : I just dont get it...I didnt do anything wrong...and everytime she talks to me she just conspires a new way to be mean
Chris : what's the point
Chris : if she's just gonna tunr them around saying they can't be proven
Chris : I've never gone against my mom
Chris : I never have
Chris : I think
Courtney : Dont ever then
Chris : 'I think it's about time i did
Chris : because this is madness
Chris : I can't do that
Chris : I can't
Chris : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Courtney : It makes her happy that your loyal, just like my mom likes how my brother does everything she asks...our moms are so much alike and I can't believe I ever called her cool
Courtney : You should go, its your bedtime...I won't be sleeping, but you should
Chris : oh my
Chris : that's also what he siad
Chris : He said that our moms need to talk
Chris : He told me to find out how they could get in contact
Chris : Maybe that will help
Courtney : XD Thats so funny, you know, I let her read your mom's emails and she cussed me out for it
Courtney : Let our mom's talk and I can almost gurentee my mom wil find a way to get to yours and kick her a**
Courtney : I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore, so you know
Chris : W-what
Courtney : yea...
Chris : Your mom said that
Courtney : Yea
Courtney : I let her read your mom's email and like...she got mad at me
Chris : something is going wrong
Courtney : She said I was being disrespected
Chris : terribly wrong
Courtney : She doesnt want me to talk to you since your mom is like that
Courtney : ...so yea
Chris : no No NO!!!
Courtney : But I won't listen...you mean so much to me
Chris : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Chris : How can things be going so worng
Chris : WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!!!!
Chris : I-i need to rest
Courtney : Atleast you can
Chris : Please Courtney
Courtney : Have a good one, bro
Chris : Try to
Courtney : Try to what?
Chris : Try to rest
Chris : for me
Chris : Please
Courtney : of course, anything for you
Courtney : But it wont work
Chris : We'll get through this
Chris : I have faith in this
Courtney : I tried yesterday and all I got was a backache. My mom wont take me to the doctors and I hope my scolosis isn't getting worse
Chris : I have faithi in our friendship working out
Courtney : I do have faith...but god your mom is so mean
Chris : Thin kabout the happy times
Chris : We had befroe any of this happened
Courtney : I tried to understand where she was comming from, I really did...but I just can't see it anymore
Courtney : I do think of that
Courtney : Its the only thing that keeps me going through the day
Courtney : Your the only person I know who doesnt try and fight and argue with me
Courtney : So its nice to think of the good old days
Chris : I don't wnat to argue with you
Courtney : Exactly
Chris : I never wnated to argue with you
Courtney : I wish other people were like that
Courtney : Neither did I
Courtney : And I am sorry about beforte
Chris : That's why i felt so bad when we argued before
Chris : I Love You and i won't stadn by and watch our friendship be shattered
Courtney : Ditto
Chris : : hugs You tightly veery tightly:: I know we can do this
Courtney : If you have so much faith in this...then there isn't any reason I shouldnt
Courtney : I will try to talk to my mom, but she keeps going into my email and reading my stuff since...I let her read the thing that started all of this
Chris : Let her
Courtney : No
Chris : Thers nothign bad in them
Courtney : Thats why we cab;t talk now
Courtney : *can't
Chris : but
Courtney : I delete them as they come
Chris : that's messed up in both fdirections
Chris : You can't not show her
Chris : cause then she;ll know somethings up
Chris : damn
Courtney : But if I show her then our moms will never talk
Chris : Yes
Courtney : ...why does it matter if they talk? She still wouldnt believe me
Courtney : I see that now
Chris : I'll talk to my mom
Chris : I"m gonna do what dad said
Courtney : What?
Courtney : My memory is failing me more than usual
Courtney : sorry
Chris : He told me I need to show her that there is a reason to trust her
Courtney : I'm responding to your mom's email tonight
Chris : lol
Courtney : Her?
Chris : trut you you
Courtney : lol
Chris : sorry
Courtney : XD
Chris : i'm sleepy as well
Courtney : :;glompsyou::
Courtney : I will tru
Courtney : *try
Chris : and mom ben told me to go to bed
Chris : I know you can sleep
Courtney : Mines is already sleep
Courtney : =_=
Chris : We'll both sleep
Courtney : lol
Chris : we'll both make this work out
Courtney : I can't will all this stress on mu mind
Courtney : Your mom really does hate me
Courtney : We will, somehow
Chris : Yes we will
Chris : together
Courtney : ^_^ Together
Chris : Love You
Courtney : Love you too ^_^
Chris : Good night Sleep well have a great day tomorrow
Chris : and i will too
Courtney : Yea~^^
Courtney : Ditto to you
Chris : Ni ni bi bi
Courtney : Ni ni~bi bi
Chris has signed out. (12/1/2004 10:56 PM)

I'm trying so hard to make her beliebe I am real, but she shoots down every attempt I make...