WARNING!!!
THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS DEPRESSION
To trust but mostly to hope…
Everyone was different. Not the same as the people I have run from and avoid. But no, they’re exactly the same. I don’t want to bother anyone, burden them with my issues and problems. When their struggling with something the last thing I want to do is bring them more down then they already are. I’m shunned, forced to deal with my own stuff alone. It’s like I can’t speak a word, I can’t feel. Keep it all inside and lock it away like a forgotten secret. Doing that eats me from the inside, the friends who I have gone for help. Show that I can’t say it when their present. It’s like when you scrape your knee you go to your friend for a band aide. Instead of getting one you get told to go deal with it yourself. Ok their busy but who else can you go to? You don’t have anyone else. Go ask your own family who will only yell at you and make you feel horrible. A mother telling you she has problems of her own and you only add more to them. A father who is angry at you like you purposely planned this. That’s how I feel and it’s not anyone’s fault. I know I can’t take away someone from their life, their responsibilities. But I don’t want to feel this either, if I could I’d shut out everyone from my depression side. Seeing as society looks down upon it. Like I’ve been told “why nurture something to blossom only to get bit in return?” I’m like in this constant loop, my family yells at me and can’t tell my problems to since they won’t do anything. My friends are busy and can’t tell my problems to cause they also won’t do anything. Seriously what can I do? Go become a drunk to drink all my problems away? Start doing drugs so I can feel numb and go to a world that doesn’t exist? Take a knife and cut my wrists until I get used to it or better yet go kill myself. Everyone sees me as this strong person when in reality I’m not. My parents want me to be this big shot. I honestly don’t want to do any of those things. Heck if someone was up for it I’d pay them money to pretend to care.
SHE WANTS TO GIVE UP AND LIE DOWN
