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Its always tough handling real life and forgetting the s**t you leave behind online. For example, I leave for months on end here and come back to realize why I leave in the first place. I get too engulfed in this site and waste time changing up my avatar based on whatever character I like at the moment and even change up my home in Towns/Virtual Hollywood. Its fun to do something I can't physically do in real life, it makes me feel like I'm being productive.
So yeah, I also see that all of y friends are always not online when I am, which is fine. I haven't connected with them on a personal level and I'm okay with that. I personally invest my time on Tumblr, it has more fandom in it than here. Although, I do miss the guilds I used to be in.
Lately, my life has been hell. I just got my own place which is awesome, but I haven't gotten a job yet nor have I gotten rid of my family or had my roommate move in. I ruined a relationship with Kaira (pronounced "kee-ruh" wink , the person I fell in love with, and last night while I was drunk and falling asleep, I had a conversation with them and we agreed to start over and be friends. I'm trying to get over the bullshit I put us through and the crap we both did to break each others hearts. They actually apologised and took responsibility for being a dill-weed with their feelings. I just hope that I never get attached the way I did, its obviously not something they want from me, so I can't get my hopes up. If anything, I just need to pretend they don't exist until they talk to me again. I have stopped talking about them on my blog, unblocked them from seeing my stuff, and even stopped looking at their blog. Even though, I want to see what they're thinking. I'll give in eventually and stalk their blog instead of follow them on tumblr. I don't want to look like I care. It means I am weak and can't give up on my feelings. I need to remember it wasn't going to work and it never will. That way, I won't get turned down for saying anything by thinking its not going to happen. I see all things this way, but then again, when has something good ever happened to me?
Every time a stroke of good luck happens, something bad always turns it around into a puddle of sad. I applied at Walmart, I got an interview, and flunked the single ******** question during the interview. I had a threesome with two lovely humans and that night, Kaira texts me if I'm okay. It ruined my mood and I desperately wanted to just go back to people who actually gave a s**t about me. Kaira obviously just doesn't want to handle my stupid petty bulls**t and all I did was give them reasons to hate me, and yet they didn't.
I'll never understand what goes on in peoples heads. This is why I hate people, unpredictable and always willing to tear someone down to feel better. I have not met a single person in my life who is kindhearted.
EDIT: Its been over a year and I'm finally over Kaira. It took so long and so much crap in my life to get over them. But I'm happy.
 Canis Baileyi Lupus · Tue Apr 19, 2016 @ 07:19pm · 0 Comments |
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