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something about me and whats been happening
well ok i was not long ago when it happened. i got a-honor roll i was like oh f**k cause to me it means something bad well happen. if something good happens something even worser happens. well i was sort of happy and sad cause of it. i come home then my mom just out of no where says ur dad wants u to have counciling. see i live with my mom and my dad has been presuring me to go to court so i can move in with him. well i told him im sick of it "i dont want to live with u" but he thinks im joking so now me and my mom r in court. i signed a paper saying i dont want to move. so everything is screwd cause now their just like ok well she isnt going to move unless for some reason before this trail is over i think she should. so now it is just about the child suport and who has mediacal claim and stuff. but guess what out of no where my dad tells the court he demands that i get counciling. so the court tells my mom and then she tells me. im like wtf "what he cant ask me personal" he wont cause he knows i hate it. he used to take me to a theoropist when i was little (it sort of caused my masochist part to be reborn after i buried my love for blood) u know whats funny but most of this im telling u has all happened in about 4months wow not that long huh. i used to cry and beg to him to not to take me to the theropist but he ingores my feelings and listens to what he thinks good for me (ok for some people theropy helps them but for others it screws them up bad. like me) the theropist i used to go to when i was little was on like the tenth floor so once i was thinking about ending this chaos and jumping but what do u know my dad probaly noticed i was acting dizzy standing there at the rail so he would hold my hand everytime we went not letting me get near it again. im not suacidly (i just had thoughts of it alway walking on the road hoping for a car to come by) cause i had this terrible thought of dying that i would be taking a shower and slip then bust my head on the counter and bleed to death i was like yeah what i great dream but it didnt stop there it went to my friend. they were like my first true friends to me. not the kind i just talk to. but the kind that i would kill anyone who tried to hurt them. they r the people who i can relate to show them my love for blood and they well just be like thats ciera alright crazy. what was this about again??? i got A.D.D. mean i got some kind of short atttention spand. i easliy change the subject when talking or typing. well ok if i remember i might type it probaly not. ok bye going to go collect my gold now XD
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