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Well I have proved myself my most worthy opponent I have shown myself that I alone am my nightmare not anyone else it must be so because I am left alone, completely and hopelessly alone. I ma a monster nothing is left in my heart to feel and it’ not anyone’s fault but my own. Every bit of happiness I thought I could feel has been ripped from me and left me known that I am the monster of my nightmares. NO one else could make me suffer this much but me and all this suffering is my fault not he fault of others, I guess knowing that was just too much to bare at the time. But now I see that the one opposing me is me and my flawed mind, I ma the reason I am so alone I am the reason I cannot feel anymore. My heart constantly aches and I have no will to go on with life completely alone. Perhaps when pain is too much your heart breaks down and lets nothing in I can’t feel anymore it seems I feel as if my heart has been ripped away from my chest, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all” maybe so but… I deserve this punishment of not feeling and nothing able to smile ever again. I am the devil of my mind it seems I feel no anger nor no hate nor fear nor sorrow, even though my heart still aches for the one I love I do not deserve him. I do not deserve anything I ma the devil…and god has no place for me it seems, he has forsaken me like everyone else has, what have I now it turn to? What have I to lean on now that my supports are gone and my heart is left out on it’s own in the darkness? Will noon hear my cries for help will no one wake me from this nightmare called life? I don’t want to die don’t make me die please don’t make me I want to live and live happily ever after like in all the fairy tales I’ve read. I read my books and escape into them for support but even that reality I turning on me and my mind has decayed beyond repair I ear. If only he still loved me…if I can be loved….If only I still loved me…If only anyone still loved me.

“ I’d yield me to the devil instantly, Did it not happen that myself am he!”
- J.W. Von Goethe: Faust: A Tragedy