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<center> Dead Inside
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I'm going to start a new website soon...Spring Break starts today and I have nothing to do.
I'm scared to go to NY by myself to see people I don't even know.
I gotta take a shower...
I had a dream last night, about RO. I was playing Zakia and doing well and killing everything I came up againist. Then the scene flickered and I was getting married (on RO). I couldnt' see the face of who I was marrying, all I know is that I was so happy...so many people were there, seeing the ceremony and wishing me and my groom well. It was so great....I just couldn't see who I was married to. I kept telling myself in my head it was Josh, I wanted it to be him so badly...I know it wasn't, though. Josh doesnt' love me anymore. I need to stop dreaming stupid things. I need to grow up and move on...thats what he wants me to do...
I keep thinking about it in my head...like...he said sorry for being mean. He doesn't talk to me anymore, though. He doesn't even try to. If something is wrong IRL which prohibts us from talking he doesn't even bother to tell me. Like...I'm not even worth telling. Its not fair...it won't work out...need to get my head out the damn clouds and realize what's happening...
I'm all alone on RO. Isaac got his net back, but he's all busy with his friends and stuff. My guild doesn't...well...its not active at all, and they don't seem to really want me there anyway. I have yet to make some "True" friends on RO. Everyone is just around me until I am uselss to them, and then I am thrown away. I guess...that...I'm just not intresting enough to want to be around.
Travis wants to play RO with me. I'd be so happy to have a friend IRL play RO with me. He can't, though, 'cause his ebil step mom sold his laptop.
I just... I dont' know what I want to do anymore...or anything...I wanna die and make it all go away 'cause I hurt so much inside because of the Josh stuff....
I know I should shower....I just...don't even see the point of it anymore...
I feel so alone and cold inside. I thought...after telling everyone the truth, I wouldn't hate myself anymore. I was wrong.
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