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to my loving great grandmother may you rest in peace
so yesterday my great grandmother passed away. she was in her late 90s and she was a wonderful woman. i dont have as many memories of her as id like. she lived so far way and toward the end she wasnt all there. she would think that my dad (now age 50 something. yes i know i dont really know my dads age so sue me asshats.) was still a little boy walking to her house for an after school snack. she never really knew me and i wonder if she really new i existed her mind being in the past.
i find that life is to short and cruel. no matter how old you are you will almost always see some one pass on without you. its inevitable. if you have family and friends you will watch them go. i want so much to believe in a god and a heaven. a place where i too will go one day and see all the people i missed and loved. i fear i have a harder time thinking its there then when i was little. the idea that somewhere in the sky is a fluffy wonderland full of love and laughter but i see now that heaven and hell are together here on earth and where you are reflects who you are. treating this world and all that inhabits with love it will bring a peace and inner joy sometimes despite the hardships we all pass. though when we fall into hate and rage jealousy and depression we only fall more into despair a hell we create. one could be the richest and have the easiest life but the hell they create in there minds will not go away without extensive change. in this same sense i guess you never lose anyone. if there in heaven then they are all around us. if in hell they too are with us guiding us pushing us forward. i love you grandma Stiegman may god bring you into his loving arms and let you stay in my heart
naru
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