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My Paranoid Life... |
In case you didn't know, I am extremely twitchy and "no touchy no touchy" with people I'm not really comfortable with...
...I control my reactions too much sometimes and only my friends can tell what is really going through my head most of the time. |
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Nakia-Kai
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 @ 08:57am
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 @ 06:31am
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A lot has happened...
...since I last wrote in here.
First off I graduated xd
It was held at the metrocenter. When we got to the entrance all the graduates there were spazzing because the people inside (officials) wouldn't open the doors for us despite our graduation robes. After a while we were lead into an incredibly long hallway and told to get our white collars on. We had to pin them on and it was horribly complicated, no one could get it. Anyway, we were forced to wait like an hour in that hallway thinking any minute now we were going out. Once the led us into the main area we all sat down and the people started doing there speeches. The only one that touched me though and didn't sound cliche was from our class president, a friend of mine, named Greg. He had been blunt and honest and joked about our year. He definately has charisma and truly knows how to touch people with his words. When I talked to my family later, they told me that he was the only one that made any impression on them.
My memory is fading but I just remember he had said something that started getting me teary. I believe it was about our parents. I was almost to the point of crying when he started on that, because I had been searching for my dad who was coming seperately from my ma and sis and I had been searching for him like mad and I couldn't find him anywhere. And he doesn't exactly blend in easily. He is almost always late to everything and I was beginning to think he had been to this too.
When they lined my row up to wait to get called, I was freaking out. I had seen the students who went up the stage do a weird hand shake thingy with the principal and I was confused. When I met the lady right before the stairs she handed me a little fishing bob thingy, apparently it was a joke between the senior class and the principal.
My biggest fear about graduating was that I would trip on stage or on the stairs. I am a natural clutz so it was a realistic fear. It didn't help that I had been warned off saying I wouldn't be allowed to cross the stage if I wore my ever-present knee high steel toe boots, so I ended up wearing immpratical delicate little high heels that just begged for tripping. I had been joking with Ian for a few weeks about it. I had been worried too that it would be perfectly silent (no cheering) when my name was called, but once they did call my name I didn't even think to pay attention to that, all my focus was on walking.
I nearly went right past the officials by the other side of the stage (not on it though) in my rush to get out of the spotlight. But one of them happened to be my senior English teacher and she called out for me. If it hadn't been her I would probably have blocked it out. But it was the fact that it was a familiar voice that drew my attention. Turns out whatever they handed me on stage wasn't my actuial diplmoa, just what held it.
In my spaced headedness I didn't remember that Ian was sitting on the elevated bleaches not 10-15 ft. away from where I stood, which he teased me for later, saying he had been cheering and calling for me. I should have remembered because I had spotted him earlier during the endless speeches.
After the ceremony I met up with my family again and Dad suddenly appeared outta nowhere. I pratically threw myself at him, hugging him like mad and demanding where he had been at the same time. We all decided to go out to eat, but Mom needed to go home and take a nap because she had a migraine, so Dad offered to drive me there when we were ready.
I found Ian surisingly quick and we joked around. I had taken off my shoes due to discomfort and was just standing barefoot in the grass and had already taken off my grad. gownOnce again the fear of tripping came up again and I told him "you try walking in these things" and of course, Ian took the challenge and pranced around for a bit. He barely fit in them but managed to prance all the same rolleyes
I didn't wanna make dad wait long so I quickly said my goodbyes but when I met up with dad on the stairs to the metro he pratically turned me right around telling me, "don't rush, this is a big day for you. go ahead and hang out"
Sometimes I absolutely love my dad. I knew he was hurting pretty bad from all the stairs and had to be bored outta his mind but he refused to ask me to hurry and told me to take my sweet time.
So I went back and Ian introduced me to his family, His dad & grandparents if I remember correctly. I could see where Ian got his goofiness from though xd
After a half hour or so I went back to dad and we all hung out and went out to eat. It was nice. I was rather surprised when a few groups of graduates also went to the same diner. Anyway, it was an awesome day xd
Secondly - I had my knee surgery
I had it done by a super knee specialist. It was at a major hosiptal about 2 hours away from here. We borrowed my auntie's SUV because I wouldn't be able to get comfortable in our intrepid fresh from surgery, I'd be too cramped. Dad had called off work so he'd be free to come. He runs his own business so all he had to do was rearrange times with his clients.
Dad is a control freak *lol* He had to be the one to drive, he hates being a passenger in the car. Not sure why though, maybe it is b/c he is a race car driver or something.
Once we got there and signed in and everything and were waiting to get called back, I could tell Dad was uneasy. He was never one for hospitals, especially since his own knee surgery went awry. I really appreciated him coming. I know it definately wasn't easy for him. Mom was being her normal, spacey self.
When the called me back and had me change they then led me to the rolling bed thingy. For some reason the doctor was behind or something because I ended up being there for an hour or two, just waiting...
Ma and Da went to go get food after a while and I was soooo jealous... I was not allowed to eat or drink for like 12-24 hours before my surgery and I was going mad. I could handle no food easily, but I am a big drinker. I always have to have something at hand to drink, it's something I take from Dad's side. Both him and my grandma are like that too. None of us can go a half hour without drinking something.
Anyway, while they were gone the doc finally decided to show up and I asked if I could wait until they get back and he disappeared again... Ma showed up a few minutes later... without dad. Apparently he was on a hunt to find a spot to smoke. It took ma about 20 minutes to find him and I was freaking out, thinking I would be forced to go to surgery before seeing him again. Dad's presence and confidence is a serious comfort for me and I wanted another hug beforehand. It is a pretty much a tradition now in this family to do so before surgeries. And yes, surgeries are rather common in my family apparently sincw we've had enough to form traditions. This was my 2nd surgery, my sister has had 3, ma - 2, da - 3, grandma - (lord knows how many she's had xp )
Anyway, I fended off the doc long enough to get my hug xd
One thing about my sugery that pissed me off though is they didn't tell me when they put in the anestesia, so I don't remember passing out. In my previous one they had let me know and I thrilled at fighting it as long as I could. They had told me to count back from 100 and that it works really fast and people usually only get to 97. Me... I got to 78 xd I love a challenge. The thing that had kept me optomistic about the surgery was the chance at fighting off the anestia with nothing but willpower again, but they screwed me out of it domokun
After the surgery, I kinda forced myself to rush through recovery. Making myself wake up sooner instead of enjoying the blissful dreamless sleep. I had done the same with my other surgery, because I could tell Dad was ansy. He tries to hide it, neither Ma or any of the staff seemed to sense it, but I did, I know him and am sensitive to feelings.
Before I knew it, I was once again in the SUV, struggling to get comfortable with the brace and super sensitive knee. Every bump brought spasming pain but I bit it back, not wanting to worry my parents. Mam had opted to sit in the back with me to help keep my knee in position because I couldn't really control it enough to keep my toes facing up. sweatdrop I ended up getting sick though because the intense pain though, I couldn't hide the strength of it then xp
On to recovery.
I healed rather fast. I was forced to wear a brace keeping my leg straight for a week or two and then I went back for post-op visit and the doctor took off the brace and checked my flexibility. Obviously, people aren't able to go past 30 degrees that soon after that specific surgery. But I'm not like everyone else. I was able to go clear to 90 degrees and probably could have bent more but the doctor actually stopped me in shock. He told me that was definately not normal but it wasn't necissarily bad either.
I was supposed to start therapy 2 weeks after surgery, but I didn't manage to make an appointment until a full month or so. And according to usual protocol, I'm supposed to ease into 20% of weight bearing at 6-8 weeks (meaning putting that much of my body weight on that leg and using crutches) but I was already at that point before I even joined therapy. I was at least 3 weeks ahead of schedule. But I was actually scared to tell my therapist for fear of getting chided like mad. By the time I was supposed to be at 50% and using a single crutch I was already around 90% and not using any help other than a hand on the wall for guidance and support and my therapist just plain gave up on trying to get me to slow down on it. He had by then discovered my stubborness and determination on the issue. When I went for the 3 month post op visit I told him about it and he was completely shocked at the sheer speed of my recovery, and he had been a surgeon for knees for at least a dozen or more years. He had never seen anyone recover that quickly. The quickest he had really seen at least 3-4 weeks behind what I was at. And at the time of that visit they would just be getting to bending to 90 degrees and when the doc did the flexibility test again, I was able to get my heel to beside my hip without much discomfort. I had completely stupified the knee specialist. I heart doing that to people xd especially to those supposed not to be surprised by anything
Current Therapy.
My therapist actually turned out to be my 2nd year sign language teacher's father mrgreen Isn't that odd?
Anyway, Now that flexibility isn't an issue anymore, it is just strength now. Considering my knee has been f****d up for over 4 years now most of the muscle in my calves and thighs have wasted away and are rather weak. I'm now going to therapy twice a week and doing excercises at home everyday to build up my strength again.
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 @ 12:30am
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 @ 07:35am
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 @ 12:32am
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Dad's Race
I had promised my dad that I would score for him at his race which is about two hours away from here. I don't particularly like scoring his race times but I do it if he can't get somone else to, I'm his last resort, well next to my sis, she refuses to help him with that.
Anyway, the race was sat. and I had to wake up early and get to dad's house. We had to be there at 2 at the latest, that is when tech begins (tech is where they check your car and make sure it meets regulations, like u got a roll cage and fire extinguisher). I helped dad load up his car on the dolley, which isn't all that easy and we left around 10 am. We talked most of the way up there, which was pretty nice. Around lunch time we met up with three of his friends who were also going there to race.
One of them is Lenny, who I have met before and I am comfortable with, his wife, Wendy (which I pronounce windy *lol* ) I get along best with her out of all of dad's racing friends, she notices me more and takes care of me, like making sure I don't get left behind and making sure I know what is going on.
Another one of them is Rod (I think it's from Rodney). I don't really like him all that much, he takes himself too seriously. I don't mind Johny though, he is his scorer and is super tall. Like 6'7" and he is the only one there that was noticably taller than me. I think he is around 25. He also pays a lot of attention to me, so yea, I get along with him a lot, I just tend to get a lil' nervous around him. I don't know if it is because I'm not used to being significantly shorter than anyone (with me being so tall) or if it is cause I kinda like him.
The last one of them is this guy named George, I think... yea, anyway, it's my first time meeting him cause this is his first time racing. His girlfriend was his scorer but she really didn't make too much of an impression on me...
We all met at mcdonalds then after hanging out we continued on. We all traveled together and it was so funny, 4 race car drivers traveling together, on their way to a race. They couldn't help but get a bit itchy to race. They didn't speed too much but we all pretty much stayed in a single file line, 4 big trucks with trailers... going faster than all these sports cars on the highway, *lol* It was pretty much the same order all the way, Lenny leading (cause he knew the way), Dad, Rod, then the Rookie.
Someone tried cutting (like dangerously close, less than 6 in. and going at 60-70mph) in front of dad, and it reminded me of this show/movie I seen where they were suddenly like "SWARM SWARM!!!" and Lenny dropped back around the other guys side, Rod came up from behind him and between the 3 of them forced them out and over into the far right lane. Personally I couldn't help but love it simply because of the teamwork they showed... plus the guy deserved that at least...
Other than that not too much happened on the way up, a couple other lil instances that really showed their teamwork, like how they started getting separated and they managed to force open a hole for the Rookie (the one who wasn't used to teamwork enough to know how to work his way through). But the thing I am most proud of is that they were never reckless about it all, they knew how to read another driver's moves so well they knew how to get around whatever the problem was.
Once we got there we set up and got to tech. The actual races didn't start until around 6 or something and dad's was the second to last, so yea, we had a long wait to go. Everyone couldn't really decide where they all wanted to hang out and were really fidgety, really wanting the race to start already. After about five minutes or so after they left I would finally decide to follow. Johny pretty much hung out around Rod's truck, sprawled out on the trailer. When he saw me trailing lazily behind all of them he would be like "What, they ditched ya?" playfully teasing me. I think the reason he pays more attention to me than the others is because I'm so quiet, he tries to pick on me to get me to talk more, or get some kinda reaction out of me.
Once the races were about to start they did the whole scorer's and driver's meetings. They weren't all that organized and thankfully me and Wendy had been scorer's before and knew what we were doing. As scorer's we have to watch our driver the whole time and when he passes the finish line every lap we have to write down the exact time he did it, they have a special clock set up for us. Being a scorer can be really stressful because sometimes you lose sight of your car or get distracted by an accident.
There were lots of races before dad's but thankfully they were short. Not that many cars came to race in the one dad was racing in because there was another enduro at another track that had also drawn a lot of the racers. Only 16 had showed up including our 4. Dad and Rod both got good starting positions. On the first lap dad got rammed up into the wall on the far straightaway and from then on stayed away from the packs for the most part. Rod pretty much dominated the race, in 1st place in the first 90 laps. Dad never got off the lead lap and was never lapped by Rod. The rookie's car failed him 44 laps in, which for his first race ever was pretty good and it hadn't even been his fault for getting out of the race. Lenny's car got too banged up and gave out around 80 laps in. And on lap 94 outta 100 Rod was going down the front stretch, right in front of us, and it was 3 cars wide, when they were coming out of the turn the cars below him forced him up and he wasn't quiet straight, and the wind between his car and the wall sucked him into it. I literally seen the underside of his car as it started to flip over, with 2 wheels on the guard wall. I started freaking out because dad was only 10-15 ft. behind him and I knew I had to watch him, if I didn't he would lose a lap and I didn't want to screw it up for him. It was a good thing I did, because Rod was able to pull himself out of the flip, but his car died under the stress.
Dad was now the leader. I had never been at a race that dad won 1st place, let alone scoring it. Between the cold and the pressure i started shaking violently and Wendy was trying to keep me calm and helped me keep an eye on him. Dad won and I finished scoring. He had to go to the winner's circle and get his picture taken and he and his car got stuck in there when the next race started... a 250 lap race with three or four designated pit stops... took like two hours and it was dark and we bounced between the cars and the stands. We were all itching to talk with dad.
After dad finally got out, (though his car was still stuck) we all made a mini bombfire and hung out. The rookie was pouting and kinda pissed me off, so I pretty much ignored him. I was thoroughly entertained by Dad and Johny, who out of the whole group are the most outgoing and talkative. I loved listened to the team (except the rookie) talk about the race from there point of view. Wendy told Dad about me freaking out towards the end and apparently he enjoyed it it because he never hears of me becoming visibly shaken, expecially in public. Anyway, Dad had no idea when he would be able to get his car out and load it on the trailer and start heading home, so he arranged for me to get a ride with one of his friends, Kennan.
I had never met him before but I trust Dad's judgement so I accepted the deal and rode home with him. I'll never do it again, it was the most miserable 2 hours of my life. The guy was hot and all, only about 24, but he happened to be dead tired. I had to try and keep him talking and awake. He drifted off and started going off the road several times. It was a good thing I was there or he would have never had made it home, he would have crashed. Once we finally made it to his house he and his friend unloaded the car off the dolley, which took like 20 min. I offered to help cause I have helped Dad before but no, they had to be men and manage by themselves, though a third person would have helped them get it done in 5 min. Once they got it off he drove the truck to the lot across the street so they could fit the car in and were gone another 15 min. and they both came running across the street and the poor guy tripped on something in the grass, like a pipe or something, and was too tired to really catch himself. He ripped up his hand and gauged his knee pretty bad. He had his friend drive me home but came with so he could help him with dropping off the dolley. Omg, never again... The ride home completely ruined the euphoria of the race... gonk
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 @ 03:22am
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I got my permit now, still a bit uncomfortable though... My ma is so mean, she made me merge on the first time I drove in traffic, I about throttled her... But I actually did rather awesome at it xd
So far I only drove our intrepid, not our other one, which is nearly dead... Speaking of which, it broke down 2 weeks ago, it died in one of the biggest intersections in town, in the middle of a turn, thankfully we only had one car behind us (which is odd in itself considering it was rush hour) and they weren't stupid (even odder) and they let us coast to the shoulder of the road... After a few unsuccessful tries, we managed to get it restarted again and somehow with my sister's weird and her extremely roundabout way managed to get us off the main roads and we died at her work... of all the places to die at, it was rather convenient, we called dad, he simply said to fill it with water and if that didn't work he would get us...
We decided to let it cool off and ate at the fast food restraunt not 30 ft. from her work then went and went to the damages in her work, grabbed a easter bucket and saved our cups from our meal and filled all with water and I couldn't help but tease my sis as she had to walk through her workplace lugging this huge pansy-pink bucket full of water... It was hilarious... We managed to get the car going again and took the back routes or whatever home. We had noticed that everytime we turned, or stopped and started again is when she died so we had to run all the stop signs or get stuck in the middle of a spooky subdivision in the middle of the night... we got to the light right before we got to the house and it was red. It is the longest light in town, literally... So we were waiting for it to change and the car started rattling so hard that the entire area around the radio vibrated like mad, making things fall out of the cubby holes and then something kicked under the roof and we started smoking so bad we couldn't see the car parked 3 ft. behind us no one was coming from the other way and we knew it was gonna die any second, and the intersection and the turn into the driveway would be impossible for us to push it in because of the hill and everything and the light was simply refusing to change. There we were, not 50 ft from home, stuck at a red light, and our car dieing fast. We had to run it and just as the car cleared the turn into our driveway and the headlights hit the bushes it died.
We got out glanced back and could see a huge trail of smoke from the light to our house and the other car still sitting there... it was close, but we managed to get home, and luckily everyone seemed to understand we were forced to run the light, cause they didn't call the cops on us.
A week or so later dad came over to check out the car and found out that the radiator hose had disconnected and the radiator had been bone dry for a very long time, he fixed it and all is pretty ok now, but man, that was one hell of a night... I had to push the 2 ton car by myself cause my sis had to stear and brake...
Today we went to the movies, me, my sis, mille, steven, and dad. We all seen Ice Age 2. I loved it. It was a really good movie, especially for a sequel *mumbles about disney sequels* thank goodness the movie was made by Pixar, they know what they are doing... anyway, when we had left the movies, me and my sis in our dieing car and dad in his ridiculus van, we ended up side by side at the lights, and dad, being the odd man that he is started making funny faces and gestures, and in a silly, silent way, challenged heather to racing when the light changed. Dad being a race car driver and all, he loves to race and drive and all... he started revving the van, mockingly acting ghetto behind the wheel, in a pimping style or whatever, and arragantly challenging us. My sis nodded at him and we all couldn't help laughing, seeing as how we were both driving really crappy cars and were acting all serious and attempting to drag race. mrgreen
When the light changed, both of our cars pratically died and kicked and we both started moving slowly, omg, it was ridulously hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing, rofl sometimes I really love my family, especially dad, he is just so silly sometimes... xd
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 @ 07:51am
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 @ 06:15am
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Swaying
Meant to be posted Last Thurs. but the journals were closed down for maintenance xp
OMFG!!! It's sooo weird, I (well, more like Ian) discovered another way to calm me... Yesterday at lunch we were all at the table and he had thrown his arm over my shoulders when Teddy went by, he was talking with Amber and some of the guys at the table and just started to gentle sway me side to side, kinda like rocking but not really, and I started relaxing so much I almost drifted off! And I don't do that, not in school with so many people around making me paranoid... And the thing is, that before he had started I had been hyper, and next thing I know, I'm falling asleep. Once Ian noticed the effect of it he absolutely thrilled in his power and did it the rest of lunch and most of art despite the fact I attempted to fend him off but I was too tired to really do anything... ...But yea, that is weird... just weird...
Today for some reason Ian was really depressed and didn't really bounce at all and barely even spoke to us and refused to say what was wrong... His mood kinda passed on to Amber and me... Amber was upset because of the things she has been hearing about her once long time boyfriend and his new girlfriend, and was distraught over wanting to know what was wrong with Ian... And I started missing Aaron, the closest thing I've had to a boyfriend... I miss all the constant playful hugs, no holding back, and the way he got me to not hesitate in hugging and tackling him back... I just miss the closeness you know?? I also started missing the giant, Mikey... I'm not gonna go into the whole deal about him... But yea it was really depressing...
In art, Ian chose to sit at his assigned seat instead sitting with us like always... Courtney, Amber, and I were all silent, each in our own thoughts, with me and amber resting our heads on the table... the Student teacher (who needs to die *stabs*) came up and started thumping our table with his hands during his lecture, hissing something under his breath at us, and I nearly freaking lost it... I didn't show it but I nearly got up and slapped the ********. Later the ST told us that he was getting graded today on his teaching so we have to try and at least act like we are working so he didn't look bad. Thankfully, he didn't hear me hiss under my breath that he needed to fail and that I should be the last one he should ask to try and make him look good... I don't know what he would have done, probably start ******** with my grades because art isn't necessarily black and white in what is right, it is based more on opinion... Come to think of it I believe he is already doing it, so maybe I should have let him hear me... mrgreen
Me and Amber decided to go over to the computers to try and come up with some ideas for the new assignment, Ian didn't join us until there was only 5-10 minutes left in class. Apparently the guys at the other table cheered him up. He was still a bit quiet but he was no longer brooding, so that was good...
Today was just a really bad day... I felt so alone despite their presence. I didn't get a lot of hugs and it really made me even more depressed... Great way to end the last day before a three day weekend huh??? stare
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Nakia-Kai
Community Member
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