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I'm sitting in my room, crying my eyes out. I keep wondering why, why, this had to happen to my family. As I continue to cry and scream, "Why? Why her? Why now? WHY?!?!?" my parents and friends try to come inside my room to calm me down. It's not working.

They must know saying "It's for the best" and "She's in a better place now" does nothing but make the situation worse.... and much, much more real. The more people tell me it's going to be okay, the more it hurts to start to embrace the truth. She's gone. Forever. And I couldn't do anthing to help her, and it's breaking my heart.

I spent days trying to convince myself that the lifeless shell of my grandmother still had her in it. That she was just asleep on her breathing machine. I told myself that over and over, but I couldn't convince myself that it was true, because i knew the truth. My grandma wasn't there anymore.

As hard as it was, i had to toughen up, for her. I can tell she's with me right now, rubbing my back affectionately, telling me not to cry for her. And as I felt her presence, I realized that it really was for the best. She wasn't in pain anymore, and i could tell that when she left her body, she was ready to go, that she wanted to. Just as I had that realization, tears filled my eyes agaiun, but these tears weren't of sadness, they were of joy..

So I toughened up my heart and told myself to stop crying over her and smile, so my grandmother could be glad she left the world with peace in her family's hearts. So she knew we'd be fine without her. Because I loved her, so, so much. And then she left, flashing her angelic form for a breif moment, smiling at me. I knew everything would be fine now. I drifted off into my first decent sleep in a week, seeing the beautiful face of my angel grandmother for the last time, with that smile that would be in my head forever...