well everyone lets first talk about my title. my dad had 2 heartattacks a little over a week ago. most of my friends dont know. i told one of them but ya we arent getting along right now so ill talk about that a lil later. neways the night before i moved in to college is when the 1st one hit him but he really didnt have any symptoms and the second took him to the er. i guess he almost coded on the way to the bigger hospital but hes ok for now. he worries me sometimes, i think he beats himself up alot about my brother. he wasnt here the last month or so that my brother was alive. he was mad at him bc he threw a party at his house out in the country. see my dad moved in out alot so he kinda had two homes for awhile. but my bro and him always butted heads bc my dad would always try to second guess what he was going to do next. he was alot harder on my bro than me or my sis. he would say it was bc he was a guy. w/e i never really understood that. but to understand my dad u would have to try and understand his dad and his dad and so on. my grandpa from what i understand from some of the stories my dad has told me was basiclly an a**. my grandpa wasnt just hard on the 4 sons he had he was hard on the girls and my grandma too. i think i remember someone saying that my grandpa (or maybe it was one of my great uncles and their wives i cant remeber exactly) threw my granma into a crick. he softened up when he got older but man he was mean. that to an extent is why i think my dad was so hard on my bro. then theres this whole friend prpoblem i have, all she ever does is tell me how great her college is and how bad mine is. ok its nice that u like ur college im glad u got in but get the hell over it already. im not the only person who feels this way my parents and sister agree with me. she does it with almost everything from funnerals to cats hers just has to be sooooo much better than yours. to be honest im sick of it. very very very sick of it. its getting to the point where i just want to delete her from my lists on things like myspace and msn. when i needed her the most, when my brother died she was nowhere to be seen or heard she doesnt stick up for me. shes to concerned with what the "cool" people think. i really want to give up on her. i have felt this way for about a year and a half. then the whole college thing is just weird for me. for new people i have alot of skeltons in my closet i really dont want to talk about. im shy. and i really really dont give off that " oh hey she looks nice." vibe. my vibe is more "i really wouldnt want to piss her off." its not bad thing to hide behind but in all truthfullness im just a sheep in wolves clothing. im really a sweetheart. alot of people dont see it but they dont take the time and effort to acctually get to know the real me. so ya college the grades are easy the whole meet new people not so easy. and finally to put the icing on this wonderful cake my bros 22nd b-day is in 4 days. it bugs me. i still want him here to talk to and hangout with. he was litterally the kinda guy who would give you the shirt off his back. i know this for a fact, one day at school a kid two grades below him thought that his shirt was cool so he gave it to him. he could always make me ,my mom ,my dad, or my sis laugh and smile. while i still miss him and always will at least i know he will never have to feel the pain that we have had to go through.
blaunerd34 Community Member 
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