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Well now, seeing as I'm just starting off and don't have a long list of pms to answer for you guys, I'll start with a little (well more like a lot) information that is a HUGE help to any one in or attempting or contemplating a relation ship with the opposite sex!

What I'm going to share with you guys is so true, yet somehow so unknown. So, from my experience and study (yes I'm a geek, I studied relationships before I had one of my own. >.> ) here's what I know.

For the boys:

Girls are complicated! But not quite so complicated as we seem. XD

For the most part (there are a few exceptions to every rule) our primary desires in a relationship are to feel loved and to feel we come first.

We need love about as much as we need air, and due to that driving fact we won't always FEEL you love us, even if we KNOW you love us. We get it mixed up somewhere between the brain and the heart; and the heart usually wins! So when you're mad at us, we feel we aren't loved, or aren't deserving of your love. If you want to change that argument around fast, start telling us it's all ok. You still love us, and WHY you still love us. Don't be afraid to hug us either, chances are we want that even if we act like we don't. (I know I know.. deceptive lot aren't we. xd )

Feeling like we come first lets us know implicitly that you love us. You'll still have to tell us and reaffirm us in an argument. But I guarantee if we have that secure feeling, those arguments will be a LOT easier to survive. Now it's not that we want to have a short leash on you or make you our love slaves. (though those are fun blaugh heart ) We just want to know we mean enough to you to let us know what you're up to and that you might even want to make sure it's okay with us. Weather we actually care what you're up to or not, or care about what we do with finances or not, or anything that requires a decision or not, the fact you ask us about it first makes us feel special and needed and respected. I'm sure you guys can understand the respect part. ^-~

NOW!

When it comes to COMMUNICATING with us. (caps to catch your attention if you're skimming by now. XP )

Are brain are like spaghetti! You say one thing, we take it with EVERYTHING that could possibly be attached to it in our past.

Example:
You: MMmmm... these cookies are good.
Her train of thought: Yay he likes my cookies! But I messed up the last batch.. maybe he's just saying that to make me feel good. Yay he wants to make me feel good! But.. that means he probably things I'm too fragile, or is afraid I'd fly off the handle if he didn't say what he means.. like bob who I dated 2 years ago. That b*****d.. he was so mean to me! I'd never have dated him if Joe hadn't liked my cookies 5 years before that!
She says: You don't really like them do you! *Sob* *Rant about this that and the other leaving you lost in the dust*

Now that's not exactly how it will go. lol I doubt anyone would really fly off the handle about you saying you like their cookies. But it shows you how we can fly from one thing to the next at a single comment.

And you can tell us an reassure us you meant only what you said, and chances are we'll believe you! But it can be REAALLLLY hard for us to translate that back into girl talk and somehow cut the spaghetti where it launches off. Best tip I can give for this is be patient with us, and address each issue we have even if it doesn't pertain to you. Sometimes all we need is an actively listening ear. ^-^ (so no games while we're talking XP )



For the girls:

Men tend to be a bit more complicated then we give them credit for, but again, still not so complicated we can't figure a few things out. ^-^

For the most part (exceptions to every rule) the male primary desires are to be the one to provide (primary income and decision maker on important things) and to be respected.

Respect you say?! Yes, respect! They need that the same way we need love. Guys KNOW we love them, but they don't know if we respect them. Respect comes across by being patient with them, giving them space and time to do what they want/spend it with their friends, not yelling at them or down about them or making jokes about them in front of anyone else. Stuff like that, and actually telling them you respect them goes a looong way too. So don't forget to thank them for the things they do for you, like carry you books, take out the trash, defend you from someone.. and try changing I love you to I respect you every now and then. It will feel odd, trust me on that. But your man will eat it up. ^-^

Now, when it comes to communicating with your men.

We women have to understand that they are quite single minded. They generally mean exactly what they say, and have nothing else attached to it. (Again, exceptions to every rule) So chances are if they say they like you cookies, they mean it! lol They also expect you to mean exactly what you say though as a result, where in we get into all sorts of issues and confusion.

You: Oh, that looks lovely! *pointing at a necklace you would perhaps like for Christmas*
Him: Oh.. yeah.. *man, she really likes jewelry.*

Same thing with other things.

You: Sure.. why would I have an issue with you going out with your friends.
Him: Sweet! *W00T!!! Buddeh tiem!!!*

Love them as they do, they just don't speak the same language as we do. And we'll always have this issue, I've known my man for 6 almost 7 years and that hasn't changed in the least! lol It takes a bit of work from both parties, though perhaps the most from us. We have to remember to water down what we say, leave all the implications out of it they SHOULD be able to follow, and just give it to them straight. Chances are they'll be much more receptive to what we're after then. lol With a little luck and communication between us, they might remember to try to read between the lines and give us a little help along the way.


I hope some of that will help all you love sick gaians out there. I know it's made my own relationship grow in leaps and bounds. Yes, we still have issues, no healthy relationship can go without issues. But we know how to understand each other a little better that goes a long way into figuring thing out. biggrin

Love to the girls!
Respect to the boys!

~Agaru