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I feel like he has killed me and that all long it was just a meaningless game to him. I know it isn't true, but I wish he had just done better and hit me over and over. Physically I can heal, but emotionally I don't think I can love again. I don't have anything left...either he or my mom took it away from me...I love him so much, but he doesn't even want 20 minutes with me. Not a hug, not a kiss...not a lifetime. Why am I so unloveable? They were all right, of course....we didn't last. 16 months and of love and in that 3 months of anxiety and desperation...April would have been so happy for me, but I hate the 23rd of every month...I dread it b/c I know that day has no effect on him and I am just one big mistake to him....I can't stop crying, this headache won't go away....I need him to breathe and he made that so. Never again will I let someone love me and never again will I let myself have the luxary of loving....I won't get hurt again unless it's him and only him. And he doesn't even want to try...