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:+:My dark poetry returns:+: |
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Your Lies If something were to go wrong...to cause this life a great pain...it would surely be my fault. I've heard all of your lies before: Telling me I'm beautiful, funny, and smart. They're all lies. I've come to realize that hatred is a part of this life and will never die. All these sins that burden my soul will remain with me, weighing down my heart, just as those lies have done. Joining that suppressed multitude of wandering spirits, I weep. Shedding tears of pain and sadness, you comfort me. Even though your words are sugar coated with sweet things, your lips send subliminal messages straight through me. They pierce my veins and circulate throughout my entire being, slashing at every part of my able self. And yet again I fall into despair, screaming for you as all of those times before. I yearn for those lies you once told me, but now I have come to par with the truth. I will never fall victim to your lies again.
Weapon I'll shoot you 'til your dead, A few bullets in your head. My respect for you has slackened. My heart now nothing but pain, To my chest that it beats so quick in. Your death drawing near, Closer than yesterday. Those few bullets in your head, Slowly drain your life away. I smile at the weapon, My weapon of choice. Because that weapon was once so full of joy, But to you it was just a toy. Used and abused this weapon appears hollow, But on the inside the bullet rings, Nagging death to follow. To me this weapon was sacred, But then purity slipped away. I smile at the weapon, My weapon of choice: Me.
Reflection (Green Eyed Boy) His reflection, Staring back at him. Those green eyes, piercing through, seeing what's within. He's attempted suicide, Many times before. Trying to end his life, And he almost succeeded. Laughter from his so called friends, Drives him to the edge. He rarely smiles anymore, It makes me crazy. He screams at the top of his lungs, When he thinks no one can hear him. I'd smile and try to cheer him up, Thinking I could help his broken soul. His green eyes would enter me, Then they would never leave. His poor heart, Bleeding, trying to breathe. Starving from humanity. His reflection, Only revealing the scars on the surface.
Fragments of Stone People are afraid to die, but I, I wish death would come. The darkness is so cold now that my heart is only shattered, fragments of stone. Deep beneath the tressels of velvet sheets of blood my breath sounds shallow. The only words that escape my mouth are of hate and drive those frightened people away from me. I do not mean what I say and every day I beat myslf over these trivial matters. No one dares to stop and help this lonely girl, the wilting rose with a broken smile. Left in the shadows of poverty and Hell that girl finds the meaning of life. The only reason we live is to die. The lovely sun that shines so bright above the world will soon collapse and leave all living to panic to their demise. My once open heart, now shattered, fragments of stone.
Playing God Slowly the knife drops to the ground, and quietly my new life is finally found. Trickles of crimson sweat drip from my brow and it blinds me so. Pale fingers search through the files, memories all faded ash. Nothing and no one can see the inner me, the pain that's constantly in control. Vital fluid leaks from broken flesh where the veins have split and death revives me. Only in the solitude of my mind can these dark desires arouse me from my slumber. The punishment for my crimes is lucid and the inflictions set on me by higher powers torments me to the point of playing God. Setting the fire to my own aspirations I destroy my existence. Now I am nothing, and I never was.
You You pushed me down, then you helped me up. You spit in my face, then you washed me clean of that filth. I hate it so much, it burns me dry. My eyes are red, pupils large, my head exploding from all this stress inside. You thought you were smart when you lied to me, and you pretended to be there for me. It's really pathetic when you think about how much I trusted you. Keep in mind I'm not like the others, I don't cheat for attention or affection. I'm only trying to survive in a world that's attempting to crush me. Brittle are my bones, and at times, my mind feeble, but that doesn't slow my pace in a world that's dead and evil. You forced me to break, then tried to fix me. You can't heal a soul of the heartless when you are the one that devoured it. My blood supply is deminishing and my pulse is growing weaker. After every passing moment I let out a slight snicker: Soon my spirit will dissolve and no longer will your hate haunt me.
Yesterday If I could go back and change yesterday, then maybe it wouldn't have been so gray. Like my dreams, my heart seems so far away. If I could just bring you back, and say all the things I'd like to say, life wouldn't be so hard on me, and it wouldn't be so strenuous to see. If my eyes would adjust to the scenery, and if I could just get used to everybody hurting me. My own actions sent me spiraling, and it's getting agonizingly harder to breathe. Sometimes I wish I could just scream, and let the world know how difficult this really makes out to be. People don't seem to understand the strength of a single human being. How we react to society, and even deception, is a part of our natural selection. To survive, I wish I could bring back yesterday. But yesterday is so abstracted and distant, I can barely recognize your face. I'll never be able to trust you today, like I did so long ago: yesterday.
Abuse (Optimistic) As I sit in my room So cold, distant, alone With my heart of gold Even though it feels like stone I try to be optimistic But my mind won't leave me alone Playing tricks, hurting and decieving me Like my heart that was so distant The pounding in my head Will it ever end? No Not as long as you exist In my mind, my soul You're devouring me whole Pain, pain, pain That's all I feel When you're near I fear the sharp stabs Like the knives you stabbed through my back I try to be optimistic But I must have missed it Because all I feel now is the fear and pain you've gave me And all I hear are the sharp, loud, booms!
Porcelain Doll Help. I'm lying in a ditch somewhere: Broken. Can you fix me the way I was: Flawed? As fragile as a doll, Skin as white as snow. You ignore me! You don't care! You procrastinate as you watch the dust settle in my hair! I'm not perfect! I'm not a toy! I have a heart, That needs to be mended. Bleeding eyes made of flesh, Not glass. I can speak words and cry with real tears! The pain you inflict on me: I can feel it! The ripping and tearing of flesh from bone! I'm not a doll! I'm not your toy! Hear me scream a language you know so well! Listen to me! Listen to me! I'M NOT YOUR ******** PORCELAIN DOLL!
Untitled You make me want to slit my wrists, Drive me to the brink: This edge. And all my mistakes are clear, You point at me: Laugh and sneer. One little thing I did wrong, A loss of self control. Your eyes loom down at me: Piercing skin. Seems all my sins have conquered. I can never win.
Unbelieving to my words of truth, You sit and stare: I'm hardly seen. We've known each other for quite some time But you don't seem to care about what's there: Hidden beneath layers of time. This heart of mine is running out of life. If begging makes you think less of me, Then I wish I were cold: A statue of stone, Running through life as if I never existed.
How would that make you feel? .....As alone as I?
Of course, this is not all of the poetry that I had on here in the past since I started Gaia, however, they are the ones that I enjoyed the most. ^-^
cryptic_solitude · Thu Sep 20, 2007 @ 08:53pm · 0 Comments |
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:+:My dark poetry returns:+: |
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Your Lies If something were to go wrong...to cause this life a great pain...it would surely be my fault. I've heard all of your lies before: Telling me I'm beautiful, funny, and smart. They're all lies. I've come to realize that hatred is apart of this life and will never die. All these sins that burden my soul will remain with me, weighing down my heart, just as those lies have done. Joining that suppressed multitude of wandering spirits, I weep. Shedding tears of pain and sadness, you comfort me. Even though your words are sugar coated with sweet things, your lips send subliminal messages straight through me. They pierce my veins and circulate throughout my entire being, slashing at every part of my able self. And yet again I fall into despair, screaming for you as all of those times before. I yearn for those lies you once told me, but now I have come to par with the truth. I will never fall victim to your lies again.
Weapon I'll shoot you 'til your dead, A few bullets in your head. My respect for you has slackened. My heart now nothing but pain, To my chest that it beats so quick in. Your death drawing near, Closer than yesterday. Those few bullets in your head, Slowly drain your life away. I smile at the weapon, My weapon of choice. Because that weapon was once so full of joy, But to you it was just a toy. Used and abused this weapon appears hollow, But on the inside the bullet rings, Nagging death to follow. To me this weapon was sacred, But then purity slipped away. I smile at the weapon, My weapon of choice: Me.
Reflection (Green Eyed Boy) His reflection, Staring back at him. Those green eyes, piercing through, seeing what's within. He's attempted suicide, Many times before. Trying to end his life, And he almost succeeded. Laughter from his so called friends, Drives him to the edge. He rarely smiles anymore, It makes me crazy. He screams at the top of his lungs, When he thinks no one can hear him. I'd smile and try to cheer him up, Thinking I could help his broken soul. His green eyes would enter me, Then they would never leave. His poor heart, Bleeding, trying to breathe. Starving from humanity. His reflection, Only revealing the scars on the surface.
Fragments of Stone People are afraid to die, but I, I wish death would come. The darkness is so cold now that my heart is only shattered, fragments of stone. Deep beneath the tressels of velvet sheets of blood my breath sounds shallow. The only words that escape my mouth are of hate and drive those frightened people away from me. I do not mean what I say and every day I beat myslf over these trivial matters. No one dares to stop and help this lonely girl, the wilting rose with a broken smile. Left in the shadows of poverty and Hell that girl finds the meaning of life. The only reason we live is to die. The lovely sun that shines so bright above the world will soon collapse and leave all living to panic to their demise. My once open heart, now shattered, fragments of stone.
Playing God Slowly the knife drops to the ground, and quietly my new life is finally found. Trickles of crimson sweat drip from my brow and it blinds me so. Pale fingers search through the files, memories all faded ash. Nothing and no one can see the inner me, the pain that's constantly in control. Vital fluid leaks from broken flesh where the veins have split and death revives me. Only in the solitude of my mind can these dark desires arouse me from my slumber. The punishment for my crimes is lucid and the inflictions set on me by higher powers torments me to the point of playing God. Setting the fire to my own asspirations I destroy my existence. Now I am nothing, and I never was.
You You pushed me down, then you helped me up. You spit in my face, then you washed me clean of that filth. I hate it so much, it burns me dry. My eyes are red, pupils large, my head exploding from all this stress inside. You thought you were smart when you lied to me, and you pretended to be there for me. It's really pathetic when you think about how much I trusted you. Keep in mind I'm not like the others, I don't cheat for attention or affection. I'm only trying to survive in a world that's attempting to crush me. Brittle are my bones, and at times, my mind feeble, but that doesn't slow my pace in a world that's dead and evil. You forced me to break, then tryed to fix me. You can't heal a soul of the heartless when you are the one that devoured it. My blood supply is deminishing and my pulse is growing weaker. After every passing moment I let out a slight snicker: Soon my spirit will dissolve and no longer will your hate haunt me.
Yesterday If I could go back and change yesterday, then maybe it wouldn't have been so gray. Like my dreams, my heart seems so far away. If I could just bring you back, and say all the things I'd like to say; life wouldn't be so hard on me, and it wouldn't be so strenuous to see. If my eyes would ajust to the scenery, and if I could just get used to everybody hurting me. My own actions sent me spiraling, and it's getting agonizingly harder to breathe. Sometimes I wish I could just scream, and let the world know how difficult this really makes out to be. People don't seem to understand the strength of a single human being. How we react to society, and even deception, is apart of our natural selection. To survive, I wish I could bring back yesterday. But yesterday is so abstracted and distant, I can barely recognize your face. I'll never be able to trust you today, like I did so long ago: yesterday.
Abuse (Optimistic) As I sit in my room So cold, distant, alone With my heart of gold Even though it feels like stone I try to be optimistic But my mind won't leave me alone Playing tricks, hurting and decieving me Like my heart that was so distant The pounding in my head Will it ever end? No Not as long as you exist In my mind, my soul You're devouring me whole Pain, pain, pain That's all I feel When you're near I fear the sharp stabs Like the knives you stabbed through my back I try to be optimistic But I must have missed it Because all I feel now is the fear and pain you've gave me And all I hear are the sharp, loud, booms!
Porcelain Doll Help. I'm lying in a ditch somewhere: Broken. Can you fix me the way I was: Flawed? As fragile as a doll, Skin as white as snow. You ignore me! You don't care! You procrastinate as you watch the dust settle in my hair! I'm not perfect! I'm not a toy! I have a heart, That needs to be mended. Bleeding eyes made of flesh, Not glass. I can speak words and cry with real tears! The pain you inflict on me: I can feel it! The ripping and tearing of flesh from bone! I'm not a doll! I'm not your toy! Hear me scream a language you know so well! Listen to me! Listen to me! I'M NOT YOUR ******** PORCELAIN DOLL!
Of course, this is not all of the poetry that I had on here in the past since I started Gaia, however, they are the ones that I enjoyed the most. ^-^
cryptic_solitude · Thu Sep 20, 2007 @ 08:50pm · 0 Comments |
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Why? Because, they're fun. ^.^
Your Linguistic Profile:
70% General American English
15% Yankee
5% Dixie
5% Upper Midwestern
0% Midwestern
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
http://blogthings.com/whatkindofamericanenglishdoyouspeakquiz/
You Are 12% Hypochondriac
While your physical health isn't always perfect, you don't freak out about it. You know there's only so much you can do, and worrying doesn't change anything.
Are You a Hypochondriac?
http://blogthings.com/areyouahypochondriacquiz/
You Are 88% Paranoid Schizophrenic
You have almost all of the paranoid schizophrenia warning signs... But you may just think this quiz is out to get you!
Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?
http://blogthings.com/areyouaparanoidschizophrenicquiz/
Your Career Personality: Idealistic, Service-Oriented, and Future-Oriented
Your Ideal Careers:
Alternative health practitioner Architect Environmental lawyer Librarian Magazine editor Museum curator Novelist Nutritionist Photo journalist Playwright
The Quick and Dirty Career Test
http://blogthings.com/quickanddirtycareertest/
You Are a Good Friend Because You're Honest
Like it or not, your friends are going to hear the truth from you. You know that the truth hurts, but living a life of lies is much worse.
So while you're definitely kind and supportive, you don't pull any punches with your friends. Everyone knows where they stand with you. And what you like and dislike about them.
While some may be initially turned off by your honesty, your friends have come to consider it a virtue. After all, in world of white lies and deceptive politeness, you can be counted on for honesty and integrity.
Your friends need you most when: They need good advice or an intelligent opinion
You really can't be friends with: Needy, emotional people
Your friendship quote: "True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance."
What Makes You a Good Friend?
http://blogthings.com/whatmakesyouagoodfriendquiz/
You Are 56% A Child of the 80s
Back in the day, you were totally 80s. Tubular, totally tubular.
Are You a Child of an 80s?
http://blogthings.com/areyouachildofthe80squiz/
Your Inner Muse is Thalia
You are most like this playful muse of comedy. Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic. You make people laugh until their sides split. And you're always up for some play time!
What Muse Are You?
http://blogthings.com/whatmuseareyouquiz/
Your Inner Color is Blue
Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.
You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.
Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.
What's Your Inner Color?
http://blogthings.com/whatsyourinnercolorquiz/
Your Brain is Purple
Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.
What Color Is Your Brain?
http://blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourbrainquiz/
Your Punk Band Name Is...
The Loony Corkscrew
What's Your Punk Band Name?
http://blogthings.com/punkbandnamegenerator/
You Are The Hermit
You posses a great deal of wisdom and the ability to see people for who they are. You are always looking ahead at the future, developing visions. A loner, you tend to travel by yourself through life, seeking your own truth. You don't crave material things or fancy titles. You have no baggage.
Your fortune:
It's possible that there is a unknown guiding figure in your life, ready to help you. All you have to do is find this person and seek their advice. It's also possible that you need to start seeking the meaning of your own life. Either way, there's some deep thinking you need to undertake, and it needs to be done soon.
What Tarot Card Are You?
http://blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/
You Sometimes Hold a Grudge
You aren't exactly vengeful, but you're not going to forget when someone wrongs you. And while you'll forgive the small things, you don't hand out too many second chances to people who really screw up.
Do You Hold a Grudge?
http://blogthings.com/doyouholdagrudgequiz/
Your Mind is 73% Cluttered
Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.
How Cluttered is Your Mind?
http://blogthings.com/howclutteredisyourmindquiz/
You Should Rule Jupiter
Huge and hot, Jupiter is a quickly turning planet with short days and intense gravity.
You are perfect to rule Jupiter, because you are both dominant and kind. You have great strength and confidence, but you never abuse your power.
You are always right. Even if you make mistakes, you compensate for them... before anyone knows it. Headstrong and ambitious, you always have a goal in mind. You are optimistic and believe thing things will always work out.
What Planet Should You Rule?
http://blogthings.com/whatplanetshouldyourulequiz/
Your Personality Is Like Acid
A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!
What Drug Is Your Personality Like?
http://blogthings.com/whatdrugisyourpersonalitylikequiz/
cryptic_solitude · Tue Sep 04, 2007 @ 08:33pm · 0 Comments |
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I just realized it has been an entire year since I've typed in my journal. =3
Okay, so, here I go:
:+: First of all, school has started today. I graduated in May so now I'm bored and miss school. Why am I so bored and how could I possibly miss school, you may ask? Well, a lot of my friends were Juniors when I was a Senior. And, now, they all have to go to school while I either work all day or sit at home and do nothing.
:+: Secondly, all my senior friends are off at college and also have work, so I never get to see them anymore. crying I decided to stay out of school a year, so I'll be applying this fall for the '08-'09 semesters and so on. Darn...I've never been so bored in all my life.
:+: Thirdly, I work way too much. I feel like collapsing on my bed everytime I get home from my job. I guess the smart thing to do would be to ask for some time off. But, I can't. I really really need that money.
So, as you can see, I am at a crossroads here. Perhaps a little advice would help me. Though, I really have no one to ask. crying
cryptic_solitude · Tue Sep 04, 2007 @ 07:15pm · 0 Comments |
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First Semester:
1 Comparative Mythology: Weller
2 Chemistry: Pepin
3 AP European History: Bouchonville
4 STUDY HALL: Schuster
5/6 Biology: Rottier
7/8 Algebra 2: Deguelle
9 LUNCH
10 Spanish V: Reuter
11 AP English Literature: Nickerson
Second Semester:
1 Spanish V: Reuter
2 Chemistry: Pepin
3 AP European History: Bouchonville
4 Biology: Rottier
5/6 History Elective - WWII: Graan
7/8 Algebra 2: Deguelle
9 LUNCH
10 SUDY HALL: Anderson
11 AP English Literature: Nickerson
cryptic_solitude · Fri Sep 01, 2006 @ 05:45pm · 0 Comments |
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Yet another rant I have for y'all today. But, luckily, this one is rather short. =D Enjoy!
My Ranting Topic Today: Inflation! stressed
1. All right, then! To start off I would like to complain about inflation in the marketplace. This has been a growing problem ever since Gaia has started, and, frankly, I'm getting really tired of it.
2. How are people supposed to purchase items when one second they cost, an example, 10,000 G. an then the next second they cost, another example, 12,000 G.? This causes problems, especially for those that have spent forever scrapping together their gold to buy an item they've wanted for a long period of time.
3. Are people on Gaia becoming so selfish and greedy that gold becomes the only thing that they live for here? It's quite sickening to me. Why do I bring this up now, of all times, when it's clearly been around for a long time? Well, I really never noticed it at first since people would only increase the price of their items by so much of a small amount, which was very understandable due to age or rarity of an object. But, now, that I see they're getting risky and cockish, prices have been nearly trippling! Most prices are way too much for many items being sold, and reminds me of gas prices.
My unrelated point: Comparing! blaugh
1. Gaia venders are just like the greedy oil companies.
Back on track: Solution? ninja
1. Now, I'm not saying that inflation should be completely eliminated. It's necessary for a growing community to have a general increase, AND LOWERING, of prices. But, what is happening now is just pure overkill! It's practically criminal, overcharging: almost like stealing gold from other users. I suggest Gaia take more action on this and regulate these outstanding price inflations for the better.
And, that's my little rant for Friday, July 07, 2006. Look forward to more. =D Yus, I said more. Tee hee <3
Sincerely: Love, your friend, cryptic_solitude
cryptic_solitude · Sat Jul 08, 2006 @ 02:29am · 0 Comments |
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Man, it has been quite some time since I've made a journal entry. But....I....must....rant~! <3
My ranting topic today: Commenters in the Art Arena. =D
Well, let me start off with one thing: people are really stupid.......yes, you saw it here: people are dumb. Let me explain this before my head is ripped off.
1. Lately I've been going to the Art Arena to check out some art that people have posted to pass time, since I have been really bored recently. Well, I have noticed that not all the art pieces in the arena are professional: but, then again, to those idiots, mostly no one is professional in there!
2. People that really grind my gears: those who comment saying things such as, "I F***ING HATE THIS!!!!" "This sucks!" Yeah, those people piss me off.
3. Why do they piss me off? Well, here's your answer. For one, in the comment box, before you click in it, it tells you to comment on what you like, or what you dislike, or what needs improvement. Spamming is against the rules on Gaia, and I believe they need to crack the whip on idiots like that. Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly fine to tell someone the truth, because the truth is what matters, but at least elaborate on it! Tell the artist why you don't like their work. Tell them what needs to be fixed, tell them if they need practice in certain areas. 4. Also, to those that say they rate "harshly." Oh please, give me a break. Y'all have to be the worst. You're supposed to rate fairly. F-A-I-R-L-Y~! <3 It's not the fact whether you like it or not, because that doesn't really matter, what does matter is the actual art piece. Is it composed neatly? Is the body ratio correct? Would it look better in color? Be constructive people, not stupid.
5. Why be fair instead of "harsh": Well, you could look at a work by a professional and say you hate it. Yes, but that's just you hating it. Why are they professionals in the first place? Because they know and have the skill of how to compose a picture. They know the basics of how to neatly piece together a work, which most non-professionals, like those in the Gaia Art Arena, may not have or know.
First Sub-section of Rant: Descriptions burning_eyes
1. All right, this really bugs me. I'll be looking through the Arena: viewing the pieces of art and reading their descriptions, all that good stuff. Well, as you know, I do read through the comments so I don't repeat anything someone else has said dealing with improvement. And, guess what I find? More stupid people. Do y'all even read the descriptions when they are available? Here's an example of what I mean:
EX smile Description: Yeah, this is just something I whipped up on paint of Sailor Moon. ^_^
Commenter: Woah! Is that Sailor Moon? O.o
I sware, people like that just make me want to steal Bill Engvall's jokes. Nah, it's an imp with a staff. Here's your sign~.
Second Sub-section of Rant: Jealousy wahmbulance
1. People, please. Don't be jealous of other's work to the point where you'd degrade a perfectly mastered piece of art because it's way better than you could ever do. 2. That leads me into another small rant: Some of the people that comment may be really really good artists trying to help others out, but most of the time it's pricks with absolutely no talent who don't know what end of a pencil actually erases. So, to those struggling artists, don't take everything a commenter says to heart, because most of the time they're just full of it and themselves.
Take these rants to heart and think over what you actually say or comment. Be smart and follow Gaia rules, but also tell the artists how to improve.
This has been my daily ranting for Wednesday, July 05, 2006. 3nodding And to everyone's dismay, yus, there may be more to come. Muahahaha!
Sincerely: Love, your friend, cryptic_solitude
cryptic_solitude · Wed Jul 05, 2006 @ 10:24pm · 0 Comments |
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Quizzies (and stuff) Remastered! =D V. 4.0 |
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Finals!!! THEY ARE OVER!!!! YAY!!!!! |
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Woo hoo! Semester finals have finally ended. *jumping around happily* I almost dies from all the studying. Makes me so happy I passed. At least I think I passed. ^.^ Tee-hee. Well, anyway. Anybody else who had finals, hope y'all did good. Peace out.
Love, Lori A.C.
cryptic_solitude · Fri Jan 20, 2006 @ 10:11pm · 0 Comments |
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