• Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow;
    Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow;
    Do you, or I, or anyone know
    Where oats, peas, beans, and barley grow?!

    I do! They grow in the backyard of a pig named Fahmie. He was British.

    For the first few years of his life he lived on a farm (or fahm in his case). At the farm he only had oats to eat. His family was the first to know how to grow oats. More or less, you could say they "invented" them. Then he grew tired of oats and farms.

    When Fahmie was about 5, the rebellious "teenager" in pig years, he moved out... to a different farm (he didn't have much money so it had to be another farm) and became a poet. He grew peas, and was inspired to write this poem:

    I eat my peas with honey.
    I've done it all my life.
    It makes the peas taste funny,
    But it keeps them on my knife!

    This also inspired him to say his new phrase "Honey, I'm home!" every time he came home to his pig wife, Lucy. But Lucy isn't in this story; we're saving her for another time.

    When Fahmie was 13 (or the hot "twenties" in pig years) he moved to Holly wood with Lucy and their daughter Flahppy (she had cute floppy ears; you will hear more about her in Lucy's story) and Fahmie became an actor. You might have seen him in many commercials, but his favorite one was when, in a Bush's baked beans commercial, the dog was trying to sell the secret recipe (as always) and the guy says "sure, when pigs fly!" You guessed it. Fahmie was the pig that the dog was trying to make fly outside the window! Fahmie ate some of the beans. He widely avoided the few pieces of pork, but he really liked beans!

    When Fahmie was 23, Flahppy had moved out, so he and Lucy moved back in with Fahmie's mom, at the oat farm. But it wasn't the oat farm anymore, it grew barley now. His mother Bessie made the best beef and barley soup the world ever saw. Fahmie thanked God every night he wasn't a cow.

    In his old age, about 30 (pigs live up to about thirty-eight) his mother had passed away, and Lucy had died from collision with a tractor, so Fahmie moved into a small house and in his backyard, oats, peas, beans, and barley grew. And that's where they grow today. The End!!