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(Okay i've been thinking about it and i think Guardian Angel is the best title I can give it... i think i'm not sure but it's guaridan angel now)

My mom always told me never to talk to people I didn’t know online. Mother always knows best; so why didn’t I listen? Was it because I felt I needed somebody else in my life and I couldn’t find them in the real world? Was it because I felt so poorly about my outer self that I thought the only way people would listen is if they didn’t know what I looked like? Or was it because I was a total outcast at school and everybody hated me so I wanted to find somebody who finally didn’t? And why didn’t I just stop after my mother found out what I was doing? Was it because I like to disobey my mother? Was it because I like to make her worry? Or was it because I found somebody online that I truly thought I was in love with? These were all the questions my therapist told me to ask myself. I knew the answers to all of these questions, but I’m not going to tell her any of them. She hasn’t earned my trust and probably never will. So right now I’ll stay quiet; I’ll keep my trap shut from the minute I enter her room until the minute I leave, not saying hi, not saying bye.
“Kristy, how do you feel?” I look up a little bit at my therapist. She’s staring at me with her big eyes. That’s the millionth time I’ve heard that question come from her lips. If only she knew. I look back down at floor. “Kristy, why aren’t you talking?” I shift in my chair, her chair, and glance up at her once more. She’s still staring at me. We just sit there in silence for a while.
Finally she stands up. “Well Kristy, that’s all we have time for today. See you tomorrow.” With that she closes her notebook and puts her pencil behind her ear. “Did you hear me?” I just stand up, turn around, and head for the door. When I finally take a step out of her office, I let out a sigh of relief. One more day done, millions more to go. Pulling up the hood of my black sweatshirt, I head out in the rain to walk home. My mom has to work late, always, and the only time I see my dad is around 3 o’clock in the morning, when he stumbles in drunk. Keeping my eyes on the sidewalk below, I pass some kids from school. One of them-the one wearing white sneakers- sticks their foot out in front me. I don’t see it till I’m already flying through the air, finally landing head first in a puddle on the hard concrete. They all burst out laughing.
“Loser!” A guy from the group shouts. I roll over onto my back, my fingers automatically going to nose. The group, which I now see is made up of 4 guys and 3 girls, is walking away, all of them sharing two umbrellas. I take my hand away from nose; there’s blood on my fingertips. I want to shout something at the group, something horrible. Go to hell; ******** you, anything that would show my rage. She wouldn’t want me to; she’d want me to be the better person. I take a deep breath, open my mouth, but then I say nothing. Her voice, no not her voice, her words are in my head. If anyone hurts you, be the better person; say nothing, and just walk away. What if I can’t just walk away? I challenge the voice, her words, in my head. Get on your feet and head home. She always knows best, so I get up slowly; shake off some of the water and start walking toward home.

Walking into my house was the best thing that happened today. It was warm, quiet, cozy. I stripped from my dripping clothes right when I stepped through the door, carrying them to the dryer and throwing them in. Then I went to the kitchen and got a mug and filled it with water. I stuck it in the microwave and set it for 1 minute. “Are you going to the party Friday night? Everybody’s going to be there!” Somebody shouted from the garage.
“You bet!” A different voice, that I recognized to be my brothers, responded. Then slowly the door knob turned. I tried to make a dash for the stairs, for the fact that I was only wearing a bra and underpants, but he stepped inside right as I was passing the door. I froze. He laughed. “Oh man, you’ve gotta see this!” He screamed. Right then another head peeked out from behind the door, followed by another and another. Laughter came from all three of them.
“Hey Kevin, who knew your sister had a body like that!” One shouted. The laughter became louder. I slowly began to walk toward the stairs. I don’t know why I moved so slowly though.
“Aww she’s embarrassed! Look at her red cheeks,” another guy said. My hand automatically shot up to my cheek; it was warmer than usual. Still, he had no right to say that! Anger filled my body as the same guy said, “Look how cute she is! She’s like a wittle tomato!” Wittle tomato? I stop walking and shake my head. Calm down. Her words again. I can’t calm down, already too mad. I focus my eyes on the steps right by my feet.
“Wittle tomato! Nice one!” My brother screamed as another roar of laughter came from the boys. My anger got the better of me and I swung around. My eyes went straight toward the boy in the middle. I step toward him.
“What was that?”
“You… you… nothing,” he stumbled. He feared me. I smiled before pushing him to the ground. Then I dashed down the stairs to my basement bedroom. I heard the microwave beep for the tenth time as I was throwing on a pair of ripped jeans and another black sweatshirt. Then I went back upstairs and grabbed my water, a spoon, and a packet of hot chocolate and went back down. My mom and dad let me have the whole basement for my bedroom last fall for the fact that nobody had come down here for years and everything was dusty and old. I settled down on the couch and grabbed the T.V. remote. I flipped through the channels until I came to some anime thing. Pouring the hot chocolate mix into my water, I started to relax. I mean really relax, clear my head, that sort of thing. I mixed the water and the mix together then I brought the cup to my lips, slowly taking a sip. I swished the hot cocoa around in my mouth before finally swallowing.
“What the hell were you thinking, Kris! You can’t just push one of my friends down like that!” My brother screamed as he came stomping down the steps. So much for relaxing.
“Leave me alone,” I murmured back to him.
“Leave you alone? You should leave me alone the next time my friends are over!” Now he’s done it. I’m mad again. “And don’t be walking around naked, alright! You probably scarred my friends for life!”
“Good!” I whispered to myself.
“What’s up with you lately? God, it’s like you’re in your own world, and you don’t care who you hurt!”
“She should be in jail for what she did. We shouldn’t have lied!” I whispered so low I was pretty sure he didn’t hear me. We were both quiet for a while till he finally decided to go back upstairs, leaving me alone. I plop down on my bed, discarding the full mug of hot chocolate on my dresser. I look up at the ceiling, moving my eyes along the stain. Finally I doze off.

“Kristy, its dinner! Wake up!” My brother screamed in my ear, shaking me. I groaned. “She’s alive! We’ve been trying to get you to wake up for like 10 minutes! What were you dreaming about?” We? I open eyes and sure enough, there’s not only 1 but 4, 16 year old boys standing over me. They were the same boys from earlier.
“Hey, I’m sorry for pushing you down earlier,” I said moving my eyes to a boy with black hair, obviously died, that covered one of his eyes. He was short, 5 feet 7 inches I’d say.
“No problem. We sort of went overboard with the jokes,” he replied looking right at me. I sit up and run a hand through my hair, still staring at him.
“You guys staying for dinner?” I asked the boys even though the question was mainly for the boy right in front of me.
“All night is more like it. Bring on the booze!” A different guy, who settled himself on my couch, yelled.
“No booze!” My brother explained.
“Dinner!” My mother screamed from upstairs. “What are you doing down there? I told you to get your sister like 15 minutes ago! What’s taking so long?”
“Food, food, food, food!” All the boys chanted in harmony before going upstairs. I stand up, grabbing my brush and running it through my hair a couple of times before going up to the pot roast and potatoes sitting on the table.

“So Kris, what are your plans for this weekend?” My mother asked me dishing some potatoes on her plate.
“She stayed home all summer, what do you think she’s going to do?” Kevin said picking up his can of soda and taking a big gulp before setting it back down. I shot him a look. “And anyways, she doesn’t have any friends.” I turn my head slightly to glance at the same boy that I was staring at earlier. He didn’t seem to notice the comment my brother made, or plainly didn’t care. Yeah the second one was probably right, he didn’t care. Nobody cared about me, and this boy that I just met would defiantly not care about some loser like me. It didn’t matter anyway, I already had my chance at love and I blew it. I will never love anyone the same way ever again.
“Kristy, did you hear me?” I turn my head back toward my mom. She was looking at me with this weird expression on her face. She must’ve asked me something that I didn’t hear.
“Uh no, sorry, I didn’t,” I stuttered.
“That right there,” my brother shouted, standing up and pointing his finger right at me, “proves my point exactly! She’s in her own world!”
“Maybe I’m just really enjoying these potatoes!” I shout right back at him while shoving a forkful of potatoes into my mouth. “Mmmmm!”
“Kristy Ann, you’re manners! We have guests don’t forget that!” My mom scolded. The guys at the table started laughing.
“I’ll just get out of your way then,” I mumbled getting up and running down the stairs. I heard my mom sigh loudly before scooting her chair back and getting up. She was coming down here which was the last thing I wanted her to do, so I walked over my boom-box turning it all the way up. Evanescence filled the room seconds later. Hopefully that’ll give her the idea that I don’t want her around. I plop down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I wish I was like evanescence. I don’t mean the band. I want to fade until I was nothing, until nobody would be able to see me. I wish I could just disappear.
I wish she were here. She would cheer me up. She hated when I was sad. She’d hate it even worse if she knew I was sad because of her. I took her picture off of the bedside table. I studied it and ran my fingers along her hair; it almost felt as if I were in that time that she could actually act back to my movements, but she can’t now. Bringing the picture to rest on my heart, I closed my eyes and leaned back against the pillow. Maybe I could continue that nap that was interrupted.
“Your mom’s coming down. She looks pissed!” I opened my eyes and looked toward the voice. There standing in the doorway was the boy with the black hair. I rolled my eyes and sighed very dramatically; he laughed. “You know,” he said walking toward me and sitting on the edge of my bed, “you’re kind of like her.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You can’t be serious! How the hell am I like my mother?”
“You both are very bad at hiding your emotion.” He smiled and leaned toward. Slowly putting his hand behind my head his lips brushed mine.
“Stop!” I said louder than I really needed to. He jumped back, surprised, and the picture fell from my hand.
“Sorry I guess I wrong, I just thought that you liked…” his eyes turned toward the picture that was now lying on the quilt, “me.” He picked the picture up and studied it. After a while he whispered something very low to himself that sounded like ‘beautiful.’ Then he turned to me and asked, “Who is this?” Anger filled every inch of my body. He touched my picture; he’s on my bed!
”No one!” I quickly said grabbing the picture away from him. “I thought you said my mom was coming.”
“I lied,” he said and turned around to go upstairs. I knew he wanted me to stop him but I couldn’t. I think it was her holding me back but I’m not so sure. She would want me to be happy. That’s all she told me she cared about. So why wasn’t I laying on my bed right now kissing that gorgeous boy?
I sigh and lay back down on my bed just as the phone rang. After the third ring, I grabbed the phone off the dresser and answered.
“Hello?”
“Kris?” The person on the other line asked.
“Yeah?”
“How are you?” The voice on the other line asked.
“Good I guess. Who is this?” I answered.
“Only your best friend!” Marissa, yeah I forgot about her. Well not forgot completely, it’s just that her name got misplaced in my mind.
“Hey Marissa. What’s up?” I ask.
“Nothing really, I’ve just got a lot of summer school crap! Heard you were in therapy because of what happened last month. How’s that going?”
“Therapy really sucks. I don’t even see why…”
“She killed herself and you watched her do it!” That’s not true. None of that is true! How did she even find out? Nobody died! She’s not dead!
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I quickly said.
“But it was in the news. There were interviews; you were interviewed!” She said confused.
“Uh, no I wasn’t. What are you talking about?” I ask even though I know exactly what she was talking about. I was interviewed, so was my brother, he lied, I didn’t, I just didn’t tell the whole truth.
“Umm, uh… never mind. It must have been a dream or something.” She hung up, confused.
Nobody died. My love is still alive. Thinking this I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I know, my mom is pulling the covers over me and kissing my forehead.
“Goodnight, honey,” she said softly and slowly left, turning off the light and closing the door behind her. I wipe the sleeve of my sweatshirt of the spot she kissed me. I grabbed my pillow, hugging it tight, I fell asleep.

“How do you feel today, Kristy?” My therapist asks. I stare at her name plate sitting on her desk. “I know this must be very hard on you…” I spell her name out in my head, A. “But is that any reason…” NN, “to do that…” S, “to your,” T, O, “wrists?” N, E. I look at her confused.
When she doesn’t say anything I ask, “Do what?”
“Cut yourself,” she replies. I laugh. “You think this is funny?” She practically yells at me. “Cutting is a very serious ordeal!”
“I don’t cut,” I snort.
“Your mom said you did…”
“And that’s the reason she sent me here or did she send me here because I disappointed her?” I cut her off.
“You didn’t disappoint her; you worried her. Talking to people online isn’t very common.”
“Oh God, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” I shout, standing up. “A lot of people talk to people online. A LOT!”
“But they don’t get as connected as you did,” she replies to my outburst.
“Connected,” I repeated sitting back down.
“You and that other girl had some sort of a relationship, didn’t you?” she asks. I hate how she calls Isabella that other girl. It’s unjust!
“What’s it to you?” I ask.
“By relationship I don’t mean romantically. You had a friendship with the other girl, and you were close to her,” she explains. I hate how she sounds like she knows me. She doesn’t! She doesn’t know one thing about my life and here she is explaining to me what kind of relationship I had with Isabella! She just doesn’t know! She can’t! She can’t!
“And what happened to her…” she continues but I cut her off.
“NOTHING HAPPENED! Okay! God, I’m fine. Nothing ever happened to Isabella! She’s still in Nebraska!” I scream at her. Her face fills with confusion, but after a few seconds she snaps out of it.
“Why do you choose to believe that? Is it easier for you to not face the facts?” Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened.
“You can talk to me about her, about anything,” Ms. Stone says to me.
“Yeah right,” I mumble.
“I’m sorry that you believe that you cannot talk to me, but you can. You can trust me; I won’t tell anyone what you tell me.” I can’t tell her. I can’t tell her the truth; I can’t tell her anything.
“What happened to her…”
“Oh my God!” I shout getting up and pushing my chair back. She is not going to start that with me again. I storm out of the office. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!” I shout to myself, running out of the building, onto the street. Kicking some gravel fiercely at a pole, I shout, “******** you! ******** you all!” at some people passing me on the sidewalk.
“Kristy, calm down,” her calm voice says from behind. I whirl around with rage. I lift my hand and swing it toward her face, but before it hits her she catches it.
“Let go!” I shout.
“No,” is all she says. Remembering the last time that this happened, makes hot tears spill down my face.
She pulls me back into the building, making me lay down on the couch she had in her office, which she never made me lay on before.
After about twenty minutes, the tears stop coming. I sit up on the couch and wipe my eyes. Noticing this, she looks up from her piece of paper. I wonder what she was writing, letter to a boyfriend perhaps. Or is she married?
“Do you want to talk about how you feel now? I could always call your mom and tell her our appointment is going to running late,” she said.
“My mom never expects me to come home; but when I do, it isn’t a surprise to her,” I explain calmly.
“What do you mean by that, Kristy?” Ms. Stone looks at me with curious eyes. I think about arguing, or just not speaking, until I realize that she really is curious. I honestly don’t think she knows what I mean by it.
“Well my mom thinks I’m a horrible child. She thinks I’ll run away at any minute, but she also knows that I wouldn’t be smart enough to live on my own. I’d probably die within the first month,” I explain.
“I really doubt she thinks that,” she says to me.
“Oh she does. Everybody does…”
“I don’t,” she interrupts.
“Well then it’s only you and…” I don’t finish. I can’t. It hurts too much. Thankfully I don’t have to; she already knows who else.
“That girl,” she says for me.
“She has a name!” I surprise both her and myself by standing up and pushing down a chair. “I hate how you just call her ‘that girl.’ It’s not right! How would you want people calling you that shrink?”
“Kristy, will you please sit down?”
“No!” I shout.
“Will you tell me what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what is bringing all this anger on?”
“You want to know? Fine!” I yell. “This is how it happened, where it all got started!”