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I realize that it has been a very long time since I have talked to you, and a lot has happened, so let me bring you up to speed.

I went to my cousin's Christmas party on Christmas (you know obviously) and spent the day there. That was enligtening to say the least. I found out that my cousin has a new boyfriend, and he has a sixteen year old daughter named Brooke. Brooke and I hit it off very well and are now good friends. In fact, I am going to chat with her as soon as I finish writing this. Brooke is... Amazing. Really. I think that she may be my ideal. But I don't know. I have only seen her once, although we have talked together by phone and text messaging. And she is my cousin-to-be if my other cousin is serious about her father. Things could get very awkward, very fast.

The rest of my Winter Break was uneventful, although my grandmother took me and my brother to Boomers the Saturday before school started. I swear, I must have frozen my hands from that steering wheel on the race track. It was REALLY cold!

My return to school was not as happy as you might think. I did get to see my friends again, which is always nice, but with my friends comes Julia. I'm still in love with her, even though it's stupid, I know. I need to forget her, and the easiest way of doing that is not to be around her or talk to her.

Except she hasn't been making it easy. For some really weird reason, she wants to be friends! As if breaking my heart wasn't bad enough, now she wants to torture me daily! It's almost more than I can take. If she won't leave me alone, then frankly it's easier to let her think that I hate her. It may end up coming to that.

Meanwhile, I've been neglecting my friends. It's really strange; as if because I was hurt, I'm shutting everyone out. It isn't healthy, I know, but it has it's own twisted logic: if I don't let anyone in, no one will hurt me. Kind of pathetic really.

And despite all the thinking and crying I did, I'm still just running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't know what to do, nor do I want to know what to do. Time will take care of all this.

Sadly Yours,
Phoenix