do you know how many times i've had the thought....the urge....the means...to end everything? do you have any idea how many times i've been hurt by words....actions....thoughts.....to drive myself to end it all? I can end the pain and suffering...and i know only a few select people would care.
the thought has crossed me so many times i can't bear to recount them all. i've never even gone so far as cutting myself....why allow some of the pain to escape, only to fester in wounds too easily spotted.
my pain is deeper than that. My cuts are on the inside, drowning in the blood that flows through and not out of my veins. the cuts penetrate my heart, my arms...my legs...my everything.
my eyes have cried too many tears, and yet, their waters never run dry. I still feel the pulse of the crystal swords that slice my cheeks and my pride.
except for my promise...i would have done away with it all a while long ago...or so i tell myself. am i weak, to keep that promise....am i scared of a cold stone slab, is that what awaits me on that path i dare not walk.....or is it my salvation, knowing that one person in this terribly lonely world will miss me, that keeps me tied to it.
still your words, simple things like name calling....things i was taught, and learned, to ignore, dive deep into me making me wish these dark things again. if you care so much for your beloved protocol son than i leave you to him. if all you have for me is hurtful words, or nonacceptance of who and what i am then I am sorry you will have to suffer through me
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"oh where the road of life may take us, and we shall stand together side by side, a family united, not by blood, but by the moon"
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