May 22, 2010 Saturday 3:44PM
Oh, Sennyo, so much I have to tell you.
Wednesday, I was suspended from school.
Recap.
Here I was, trolling a group on facebook that I had originally created for the lulz. My grand mistake was in having my fake account make the account, and have my real account join it. That was my mistake. Oh, damn...
A few hours later, I find some Wyomingfags harassing me on facebook, as well as posting my cell number, name, and former school on the page. Harassing and threatening text messages are then what I receive. Phone calls as well, however I never picked them up. Oh, that fear welling up in my heart. Especially once I got a text from some a** saying “its over [incorrectly spelled nickname]” and something about how the police would be speaking with me soon, which hasn’t happened and probably never will, as well as the two principals at the former school, whom the person actually named.
The next day, during mod 9 on an activity 1 schedule, the office woman came by and asked me to come with her, and then saying that I should bring my belongings as well. Many at the table looked at me, Magic saying, "You have the right to remain silent!"
Veil though... I had told her, Shortie, and Star about the events about the day before/that early morning. Veil looked at me, a fearful and sad look in her eyes. I looked up at her at least twice as I packed up my backpack. I knew it. That f*****t was telling the truth.
Long story short, they were “very shocked” about what I had done, as it was expected out of girls from the former school. They got pictures of the one where I shooped the dead kid’s face on to a skeleton being eaten by vultures, as well as my goatse picture which they as well as the mother-person were “very shocked” about. ********.
How these memories can bring down my mood.
I’ve made a promise with you, though, to not leave out things like this. Life-changing things.
Hey… it’s been about a year since the last incarnation was taken down, of F2, hasn’t it?
Anyway, I was suspended until Friday (yesterday). Worst of all, when the parent-people came in, the principal inquired if it was true that there was a young man.
What young man?
A young man much older than yourself?
Yes…
Oh, ********. I bet it was Link that revealed to those adults about Nucc and I. I bet it was. Mother-person, nor father-person, has brought up Nucc since yesterday at around noon-ish, so that’s good. I’ve only told them so far that his name is “Matt”, is 24, goes to IU and is majoring in Japanese.
I feared so much for him. For us.
I contemplated connecting with myself so much Wednesday through Friday. So damn much. I cannot tell you how much, nor how much I scarred myself up. Just jabs of the object, no slashes as I usually do.
In a fit of madness, I was actually thinking about running away from this place to Nucc’s. According to google maps, it would only take a day and a few hours or so anyway…
I wanted him to save me, so badly, through-out those three days. Run away and die together. Run away and live in peace. I don’t want him to replace Him. I would turn into a clingy b***h if he did. I can’t have that. _____, only with you can I be a clingy pathetic girl. I don’t want that side revealed to anyone else. Never. I won’t have that happen again. Not as it had with First Love.
Yesterday, when I had my expulsion hearing, they had already decided to expel me. Not much of a hearing really.
I’m also being made to see a psychologist because I apparently lack human sympathy and etc.. Pathetic, really. Just pathetic. Some f*****t’s mother called the former school expressing her worries over my emotional/mental health. What ******** old hag.
Ironic, isn’t it, Sennyo? You and I can’t seem to live in peace for long, huh? Something always has to get in the way, either brought upon by myself or an outside force. In this case, it was me. I’m so sorry, Sennyo, I really am.
A positive outcome of this is the growth in the strength of Nucc and I’s bond.
On Wednesday I snuck him a PM on F2 that I would be unable to communicate with him the next few days, however I would be sending him a letter. (I had first sister give a letter to Shortie, who said she’d mail it yesterday)
In reply, he just asked me to take care, and said those three words.
Several hours later, then saying that he’d be working late Thursday and Friday, and asked that I please PM him, because he was concerned for me. I am the one in this world who he loves most…
I told him briefly of my then-suspension, and the privileges of electronic devices had been taken.
Reply: He was even more concerned now, and he was taking chances as he was reading and replying to the prior message while at work.
Me: Nucc had been found out, and the parent-people hated him like hell.
Reply: Nucc was actually not terribly distressed over our relationship being found out. He feels that we’ll meet again soon. He’s certain of it. He also said that’s he’s glad that our second meeting could happen so soon, for, who knows what could have happened had we waited another week? “luck is on our side” he says. He then asked me to relay what had happened.
Me: I then told him more or less everything.
Reply: To my great surprise, he was not at all disappointed in me, in what I had done. Not that I feel any remorse for my actions either, but certainly about being caught. He said that it must have seemed apparent that he was agitated at work, as many had inquired if he was feeling all right, and he was even pacing around as he gathered his thoughts.
It touched my heart that he would let me disrupt his thoughts while at work.
He said that he felt very “protective” of me.
He felt that the parent-people were being irrational by drawing irrational conclusions about him, and that the former-school had over-stepped their bounds by expelling me.
He said that he “had a mind to spirit [me] away, but … that’[d] a ta[d] illicit”. He also said that as he was erasing some old voice mails, he came across mine where I was calling about the phone I left in his car. He said that the way I said “"it fell on the floor while we were making out" brings a smile to [his] face.” He won’t delete it, as it’s the only way he can hear my voice whenever he likes.
We chatted today for about almost 45 minutes.
My reply to his last PM was telling him about my contemplation of connecting to myself, but what stayed my hands from taking any definite action was the promise I made him, that I wouldn’t die without him.
Around 20 minutes into our conversation he spoke about how I had contemplated that, but remembered my promise to him. He said that this morning, upon waking up, he wondered if I was okay, and if I asked him that moment to connect with me, he wouldn’t hesitate a second.
I replied to him that I’d rather connect with him physically together: replying that he wouldn’t have it any other way.
The conversation went on. From 4:16PM till 4:57PM.
I love him so, Sennyo. I really do.
One thing though: Vidina.
Mother-person says that she forbids me from hanging out with her ever again, which means that is one less excuse to make to hang out with Nucc. I’m so terribly afraid of this.
I’m so sorry, Vidina. I truly am. What originally was just the use of your name to hang out with my romantic interest has turned into, I fear, something far far worse. I have dragged her into this pathetic life of mine, in areas which no good and decent friend should ever be dragged into.
[End Log] 5:47 PM
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
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