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Flapjack’s Revenge

Life in Roman times were tough, but all the more so when all able bodied food items from Panolightus were forced into exile by the great god Humungustus. In this crowd of banished foods was a frail female crepe who was pregnant with her first child by a mysterious stranger whom she only knew by the name “Pancake.” She like the other banished were pushed hard, but that came to a halt when all of a sudden, there was a loud ‘pop’ and a little food was born. She called her child “Flapjack.”

Crepe was loving to Flapjack, but could not bring herself to tell her child about the father. One day, out of the blue, Crepe told Flapjack, “I want you to go find your father and bond in the good way.” Flapjack deadpanned and thought, “What the f…wait, this story can’t be too violent. Dang it all. Alright mother, but how will I know him?”
“He called himself “Pancake.””
“That’s not reassuring?”
“Why not son?”
“You used quotation marks, that means he could have used another name.”
“Good luck on your journey son.”
“Darn it all!”

So without a compass or a vague idea of how to find his father, not to mention the few provisions that he had, Flapjack set out to find the one who made him and give him a piece of his mind. On the way there, he came across an old Prune sitting alongside the dirt path that appeared out of nowhere. Flapjack approached the old fruit and asked, “Do you know anyone by the name of ‘Pancake’?” It was a long shot, but perhaps the old fruit knew who traveled along here. The only thing the Prune did was mumble unintelligent sounding words, something about the train, but Flapjack knew of no such things and only continued on his not-so-merry way.

Evening came and went, and when Flapjack awoke the next day, he suddenly found himself in the midst of a large bustling city, though he distinctly remembers that he was nowhere near a city when he slept the previous evening.
“Something tells me this is a plothole made to make the readers believe that an undetermined amount of time had passed.” He looks down and sees that he is devoid of all his previous possessions as well.
“Well Author, you are certainly an evil plot hole generating person aren’t you?”
With a shrug that felt forced, he begins his search for his father who was apparently living in this large unknown city.

Several hours passed, but no one knew or heard of the mysterious “Pancake” and it was getting on Flapjack’s nerves. He felt like giving up when he spotted the same old Prune from before, though he looked a little more spry than usual. Curious about the sudden bout of improve health, Flapjack once more approached the fruit.
“Hey you, have you seen the one called, ‘Pancake’?” The Prune halted in what he did and gazed at Flapjack with an intensity that unnerved him. In a few short steps, the Prune was eye to eye with him and continued to stare him down. In a voice much too high pitched for normalcy the Prune responded only with, “Seek out the Tofu…They will lead you to who you seek.”

It was not hard for Flapjack to find the Tofu for just as the old Prune finished speaking, a small crowd of white squares in togas were walking slowly and looking suspicious. Flapjack casually walked to the small crowd and asked for Pancake’s whereabouts. The reaction was some shuddering and murmured conversation before one of the Tofu stood in front of Flapjack and mumbled, “Follow us.” Flapjack shrugged and followed them, trusting that wherever they were leading him, it would bring him to his father.

With a frown, he realized he was being led into a wine bar not far from where he stood. Inside were some shady foods that he did not recognize. The Tofu to his left tugged on his sleeve and pointed to a figure slouched over the bar. ‘Pancake’ as he was known was currently woozy, having had too much berry juice and not looking like he was feeling good. This did not dissuade Flapjack and he approached the larger round food and gave him a none-too-gentle shove to gain the other’s attention.
“You there!” He ignored the fact that his push had send Pancake to the floor and that he did not get up, only groaning and looking rather pitiful to be honest.
“You’re ‘Pancake’, arent you? I’m your long lost son Flapjack, my mother was Crepe and she told me to seek you out so that we can bond in the good way, but I don’t want to. I want you to feel the same way I felt all those years ago. I challenge you to a fight to the death in the Gladiator ring!”

Within moments, both found each other inside a massive arena with thousands of Tofu and Cinnamon buns whooping and hollering and all were holding Bacon and glasses of Orange Juice. Flapjack also noted that his father was wearing a Waffle costume and was holding a syrup gun. He looked down and noted he also wielded a gun, this one with a mixture of Jam and Cool Whip. He noted that he too was in costume, though he was unsure as to what it was.

"We shall dine in Hell!"
"That is a very cheezy line, but I think that you will be the only one dining there this day!" With loud battle cries, Flapjack and Waffle charged at one another firing Syrup, Jam and Cool Whip at one another, taking massive damage on either side. It was not until later when all their ammo were spent did Flapjack and Pancake realized that perhaps they would be alright and tat this scuffle was just what they needed.

It was all good and dandy when the great God Humungustus came out of the skies and plucked them from the ground and send them home. Things were find and dandy once more with everyone at home, until Crepe found out Pancake was not Flapjacks real father. Uh oh Flapjack, I guess you'll never know now!

THE END