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This isn't something that I've just now figured out. I've known that I'm pretty lonely for a while. I don't have many friends. My best friend told me 'it woud by best if we were no longer friends. I didn't really have any friends from work, and I quit work so I won't be making any friends. My friend from high school and I have a pretty.... Weird relationship. Every time I see her I am reminded of why we stopped being friends in the first place. I have some online friends but I don't talk to them all that often. And recently my ex has been talking to me and it's rather bothersome.

Usually I have my mom. However lame that sounds. Lately, though, my mom has been leaving more than usual. I just stay home and watch movies or get on my computer. Do homework or post in my classes. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything. It's always just me, held up in my room, by myself, doing nothing.

I have the few online friends that I talk to and my boyfriend... That's all that I really have.. There's often times where my boyfriend is busy with his own stuff, so we can't talk. I know that it's stupid, but I just get so lonely and I just miss him so bad... I don't want to be lonely anymore and I don't want to bother my boyfriend anymore than I already do...

I am always so eager to talk to him. When he texts me, I immediately respond, when he calls me, I answer right away, and if he wants to hang out, I drop everything because I am so happy to hear from him. I'm so happy to see him. I wait for so long to get texts from him sometimes. I constantly check my phone, hopeful that I'll have a message and I won't have anything. Sometimes, I just get so sad cause I miss him so much. That's one of the wacky things about myself, I always miss people so much...


So, my rant is taking a new direction. Last night I had an awful dream. There were a few people in my dream that I knew .One of them was my boyfriend. In my dream I lost him. I was with him, and I just lost him. It was so real feeling. I was crying and upset. It legitimately terrifies me that I might lose him. I know he can do better. I'm just a clingy, annoying person and I know that. I don't have a sexy body, or the prettiest face. I'm just me. And just me isn't too great. I just hope that it's enough for him. I hope that I can make him happy enough to stay.. Cause I don't often have people that stay...