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Tonight I hung out with this girl that I was best friends with back in high school. It's kind of nice to be hanging out with her again. We went to target and for some weird reason we decided to look at clothing. I don't know why, but I always find so many things that I would love to buy, but then I try them on and realize that most clothes aren't made for people like me. I'm pretty fat and I have a lot of negative things. I have really big thighs and a really big a**, which makes it pretty hard to get into most jeans. Then there are the crappy looking jeans that fit me but they don't make me look good at all, so I feel even more uncomfortable in the clothes I'm wearing. And now that it's summer, there are a lot of tank tops. I have fat arms and I hate showing them to people. I really, really hate my arms, so tank tops and strapless things don't work for me. Then most shirts are pretty tight, and with my tummy they don't work for me.

I really hate how uncomfortable I feel constantly. I constantly wear the same three outfits because I don't feel incredibly self conscious in them. I often see these girls that are super thin and super in shape and I can't help but feel insecure about it. I don't know what it is but losing weight is incredibly hard. I don't eat too much. And when I try to lose weight by eating super healthy, I still find it difficult. I get so discouraged because of the way that I look. I really wish that I could think of myself as beautiful. I try so hard sometimes to try and think that maybe I could be beautiful. I just honetstly don't see myself that way..

I just wish that less people in the world looked at chubby people as ugly. I saw a post on a social media sight today that said 'yoga pants should come with a weight limit'. All of the comments were either people saying 'omg I know. It's so nasty to see fat chicks wearing them!' or 'Omg guys, stop hating. Fat chicks are beautiful too LOL'. It's really an eye opener that other people really do critisize the things that you wear and the way that you look. And there are constant posts about how woman should be thin and beautiful and that you have to be super skinny to be pretty. I will never look like those women that have super small frames and super small tummies. I know that I will never achieve that kind of look. I just wish that more people saw girls like me as pretty. Maybe then it would be easier to accept myself.