Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

This may seem totally and completely random but if I didn't say it I would feel even more weird?

I try hard to be "feminine" and feel at a total lost. I have come to a few conclusions though.

I am more "manly" than any of my three brothers and often get confused for a man/boy. It doesn't help that I dropped a bra size. ...
I also have to shop in the men's department for just about everything because my body shape is like a man's I guess.
I also have to start looking at men's shoes because I can't find the right size in women's but I can find the perfect size and fit in men's.

I'm also afraid to lose the extra weight I have because I would look "petite" or like a skinny boy with my voice. I don't want to be anymore flat chested.

On top of all of this I have had dream since I was small about being a boy/man. I have never objected to the idea of becoming a man except for the fact that I love men as well. Sounds weird that I want to be man who likes frilly cute things because I hate being a woman so much.

I've been feeling really conflicted lately and even if no one reads this at least I finally wrote that I want to be a man. Uh well back to normal life.