Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Hey, all (whom are likely the entirety of one person and a toaster). Christ almighty, amirite? Jesus on a stick, HOOO boy. You wouldn't go and actually read my journal entries before this one, would you? Ahem...

5 years have passed since I first joined this site, and... what the hell, you know? Kind of decided to rejoin, I did. Can't even fathom why at this point, but, life goes in a curve when you mellow out. I was the epitomy of a closeted emo kid, pissed rightfully so by many things at the time of my life and living situation at 19 years old. I gained some new perspective... a little... I think. For some things. If I've said negative things about my stepmother, or my stepbrother... I'm not taking it back. You are who you were at that point of your life. Is that true for Matt in this day and age? I'd have to see for myself, though reluctant I am. The thing for me, looking back on some of my entries, is that I copped a holier than thou attitude, because friends for me were in quantity; numbers, if you will, for this site. The old adage holds true, though, for as many cliques and people you'll talk to, or gather in your life, it's hard to find true friends. You think you're ever truly respected for being who you are? PFFFF, hah, that's a rich one. You can't even sit here and tell me you've never stretched anything, or doctored information about yourself a little, so you didn't sound less than ideal to another individual.
The thing was, I thought I had a thing going, but nobody was there to discuss anything I typed up, and nobody was there to have individualized opinions that differed. If I got criticism, boy howdy, I sure as hell couldn't handle it, knowing myself back then. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can surely piss an emo suicidal git the hell off. Did I lack attention? Only my whole life. Am I avoidant now? To a definitive extent.

I'm mellowed, chilled even, but still screwed up. But I can live comfortably now. Even recently, moreover, I found a job that pays alright, and that I can be remotely happy in, due to its ease. I could've used that 5 years ago, and not the anxiety of people being on my case. Woe is me, right? Woe be to you if you were me. I don't give one s**t or the other what you might think from an aside glance and a smirk back, but my life is only a bit harder than it seems from that angle. Walking in another's moccasins is a fallacy.