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Well, it seems that in real life, it's practically impossible to purchase, or even rent, a property that resembles the flats they have in sitcoms, partly because in the UK all the sitcoms are set either in London, or in the 'North', a mythical place that my upbringing has led me to believe is populated by strange neanderthal creatures in shellsuits, and partly because most modern estate agents have levied a special tax on open plan flats with wacky neighbours.

So anyway, I'm getting off the original point, which was that my previous journal entry of many moons ago promised cookies, and so far I have yet to provide anything of the sort. This I choose to blame on my so called 'scanner' which, no matter how many cookies I insert into it fails to upload any of them, and instead just creates a big brown bitmap. And I was about to complain to the manufacturers, but their head office is in 'Manchester', and the last thing I want to do is attract the attention of shellsuit-wearing Neanderthals, lest they come and try to discover fire at me.

Disgusted with my PC, I went instead to play San Andreas, a game about black people created by white people for people whose idea of black culture is watching two episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air in a row, dawg. And it seems that video games are causing bad behaviour, which i discovered to my cost when I woke up three hours later standing next to my friend's car trying to figure out why I couldn't break into it, no matter how hard I pushed the Triangle button.

It's slightly sad to see that video games are affecting behaviour so much, but I remember back in my childhood where many gamers were eating mushrooms, stepping on terrapins and desperately trying to force themselves down drainpipes. That's only the lucky ones, the ones who didn't paint themselves blue and attempt to befriend foxes. Rumours that part of the propaganda used to create the new generation of suicide bombers includes endless attempts to complete the 'taxing' levels on Lemmings have not yet been proved true.

So despite the fatc that crime rates are worse in the 'North', where people try to put their games in the Playstation with removing them from the case first, video games are still taking a lot of the heat. But that's nowhere near as bad as the situation of the UK's recent election, in which Tony 'If you elect me back in, I promise to have another heart attack' Blair went up against Michael 'I vant to suck your blood' Howard and Charles 'I don't have enough distinguishing features for there to be anything funny to say about me' Kennedy in the competition for the title of Biggest Scapegoat in England. Tony 'You'd be grinning like this if you had Dubya's hand in your pocket too' Blair won by a margin, and so...well nothing of any importance happened in England, even in the 'North' where, if rumours are to be believed, ninety percent of the votes were given in in the form of graffiti.

And so my cookies are running a little late, partly because I'm devoting a lot of my time to trying to find a nice sitcom-style flat in Brighton, but mainly because I recently downloaded Lemmings onto my mobile phone.

See you next time!

victoryusagi is a bored writer living in West Sussex. That's in the South. The South!