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I've come to realize that no matter how far, how fast and how long you run, you will always end up, right back where you started. The world is round, you can run for years and years and years, but eventually, you will run right back to your starting line. Eventually you run out of places to run and you have to return to where you started.
I've come to realize that I am hopelessly in love with him. No matter how much he hurts me, I will stick around. No matter what he says to me, I will stay. No matter what, I won't leave because I have become very dependent on him. His happiness is my happiness, his anger is my hurt. I wanted to then, I want to now and I will want to years from now, to be able to spend my life with him. I want to be able to come home at night and look at my children and she him in them. I want to be able to walk into my kitchen and cook a mean for him every night. I want to walk into my bedroom at night and see him laying on our king size bed. I want to wake up in the morning and have the first thing I see be him. I will always try my hardest to do what is best for him and to make him happy.
I've come to relize that no matter how much you hurt someone, if they are a true friend, they will be willing to accept your apology and come back into your life without a second glance at the past. They will be there to ease your pain and help prevent you from feeling that pain again. They will pick you up when you are at your lowest. They will help you with anything and they do it with a smile on their face.
I've come to realize that I gave up a good friendship and I shouldn't have, but I gained that friendship back. I don't even know that I deserve it back, but for some ungodly reason, I was sent a gift from God, and her name is Jessica Parker. I hurt her, I broke her down and I treated her like s**t, and yet, here we are, I talk to her. I hang out with her. I'm reaching out to her parents so they will let me hang out with her. I'm doing all that I can. I'm even trying to get my parents to let her move in with me when her family moves.
I've come to realize that I have a damn good life. I might talk about how much I hate my parents or how much my life sucks, but really, it's a damn good life.
I've come to realize that I don't care if my parents approve of what I want to do with my life anymore. I want to be a hair stylist. I'm going to. I'm going to make it happen. I don't care if they approve or not. They can go somewhere. This is my life and I'm not going to let them tell me what I'm going to do anymore.
I've come to realize that I need to stop hoping for so much. I get hurt too much because I wake up everyday and think of some romantic way that he could ask me out. I think up all of these beautiful things in my head and yet, none of them every happen. I need to stop hoping for so much and start thinking about things a bit more realistically.
I've come to realize that there are so many things for me to learn and I need to be open to learning them.
I guess this is it for now. This was a serious look into my life. Things I don't like to admit to anyone. Agh, that's weakness right there.
 MadameEx · Tue Feb 17, 2009 @ 05:26am · 0 Comments |
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