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It'll All Get Better In Time |
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I hate this. I really do. Passionately. I have to beg you. I want it to just come naturally. I want you to just say "I love you, too." The way you can say it to the others. I want you to say "I think you're beautiful just the way you are." When I talk about how ugly I feel lately. I want you to be upset when I want to walk out.
I cry for hours when you tell me that you might walk out on me. Hours. On the rare occasion that I say I'm going to walk out, you just say okay. That's all. I want something more then that.
Someone told me that they didn't understand why I have waited this long, and you wanna know what I told her? I said that I love you. I told her that I meant every word that I said when I said I wanted to spend my life with you, when I said I wanted to make a family with you. When I told you that I loved you. I meant every damn word of it. I told her that it was because that I loved you that I would wait for you until the end of time, and I meant it.
Maybe one day I will have enough strength to walk out on you. Who knows when that day will be. It could be tomorrow. It could be a month, a year, five year, ten years from now. Or maybe, never. But the bottom line is, I will wait for as for as I long as I am physically able. When I say physically able, I mean as long as I am breathing. This is one of those things where I could find someone else, marry him and start a family with him, but as soon as I ran into you again, I would drop it all, without hesitation, as long as I could be with you. It's you, it always has been and it always will be. That is it.
I don't want to beg. I don't want to plea. I don't want to cry or fight.
I feel so pathetic for saying all of this. I feel like I'm giving you reason to hurt me. I feel like I'm giving you permission to hurt me. Maybe I am, but in the end, all the hurt, all the tears, all the screaming and all the loss of breath is all worth it.If someone how I could end up with you, I would do everything all over again. I would give you the world on a silver platter, gold if you asked for it.
You know that. So, stop making me wait. Stop making me beg. Stop making me cry. Give me reason not to pretend that I don't want you more then anything else. I can wait forever, you know that. But I can't stick to you forever. I will always love you. Always, but eventually, I'm going to have to let you go. If you won't let me love you then I'm going to cave to a one sided love that I will pretend to move on from, but everyone will know that I haven't. Don't make me pretend. Please
 MadameEx · Wed Feb 18, 2009 @ 05:19am · 0 Comments |
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