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Man, Gaia... what is you're problem with me? No the users... just, well...

I really try to excuse small stuff. I can usually brush it off pretty easily. Really, really small things. Like mail for instance, mail is benign. But when I can't get something new to save my life no matter how much I try to pm others and I don't get things back. Well, that accumulates. Not overnight mind you, but these little things make me think. Why do I come here but to take to my friends, who don't, with few exceptions, return any of my messages. I've been on for a few years now. It was fun at first, I really thought this would be some bright beacon in a horrid sandstorm of mediocrity know as the internet. This was the myspace that I didn't hate.

Suddenly, like a plague, it all came clear to me. I was blinded my hope... this was no messiah in the desolate waste.

Slowly, chatterbox dominated all forums. Avitars became one in the same with every other. I was once again shunned by the interweb and all who serve their cold, unfeeling master.

Though, I may not be speaking, methaphorically of course, simply out of pain. Emotional pain that I've confided in only few select people with. Most things seem influenced by that nowadays. The pattern is all there however... for all to see. All who truly use their eyes to see that which is not in front of them that is, and instead look for messages in between what is shown.

Sometimes I think I'm not really sure what I'm searching for in life. I thought I knew what my deepest desire was, but yesterday I stopped and grasped at the big picture inside of the bigger picture. To see outside of the box and the room it is in so to speak.

I'd tried everything I could think of. Gifts, undying friendship, just a shoulder to lean on... the simple things, you probably know what I mean. Now i think I get it. I just want her to be happy and if that does not include me then so be it. I tried, I tried harder than I thought I could try at anything, but perhaps I waited too long. Maybe I was too subtle. I'd just as well assume it was never meant to be. I think somehow I always knew. If I want something too much it seems to slip through my fingers. It has for years.

Well I hope she remains happy for the rest of her days. If I can I will help her in any ways I can. Stay safe.