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Jiyong sobbed uncontrollably onto the lifeless form of Seunghyun's, sounds muffled by Seunghyun's chest the Jiyong lay his head upon. With Seunghyun's shallow breathing and Jiyong's overridden guilt and regret seemed to engulf Jiyong's senses and sanity along with it, it set for a dark and gloomy atmosphere. The other three members seemed to stare sadly at the sobbing form of Jiyong as they stood in the back of the room, trying to stay away from them to give Jiyong some mild privacy.

Daesung and Youngbae both attempted to console Seungri as he too was crying in uncontrollable sobs that wracked his entire frame. But they didn't dare touch Jiyong. They didn't dare try and console him. For what particular reason they chose not to approach Jiyong's grief stricken form was a bit of a mystery to even them, but perhaps it was out of fear and instinct. No one could stand the poor sight before them. Seunghyun's overly pale complexion and extremely shallow breathing didn't help the situation whatsoever.

"It just isn't him! It can't be him!" Seungri continued to scream in between his sobs in denial of the blatant truth that was set before him. Daesung attempted to aleviate the pain, even if only somewhat, as he rubbed soothing circles upon Seungri's back and whispered consoling words and empty promises that he even he didn't know if there were any truth to whatsoever.

Trying to keep his own tears from falling, Daesung bit his lip as his voice began to crack, his tears filling his eyes to the brim.

"It's okay Seungri. He'll be okay. We'll get through this." Daesung continued to whisper in soft words of consolation.

"But what if he doesn't?! What if he dies?!" Seungri continues to sob. He didn't want to admit the horrible truth before him, but staying in denial would get him nowhere fast and it would probably only make things worse. So he chose to acknowledge it in that one sentence.

"You'll just have to believe that he'll pull through this. TOP-hyung wouldn't do this to you. He wouldn't do this to us." but it wasn't Daesung that said those words, it was Jiyong.

The three looked toward Jiyong in surprise as they heard Jiyong's raspy voice. They watched as he wiped away his tears and tried to bite back his sobs to say anything else that would help both him and Ri out of their mental state of depression. "He said he'll be there for us. He said that he'll always be there to catch us whenever we fall!" Jiyong continued to say firmly and he said that so he himself would dare to hope in the survival of his hyung, his voice still in its scratchy and raspy tone.

But his voice cracked ever more after uttering only the first few words of his statement and his sobs came back again to wrack his form. He turned back to Seunghyun's still form, but never once had he let go of his lover's hand. Or should he refer to him as his ex-lover now? He wasn't so sure, and he truly hoped that that was not the case.

"Hyung..." Seungri mangaged to say in his desperation in response to what Jiyong had said momentarily.

"Stop crying, you guys." Youngbae said after a long moment of silence had passed, those words being the first words he had spoken since they entered the room and were greeted by the terrifying sight.

"It's not going to get us anywhere. We should stay strong." Youngbae continued, "for TOP-hyung. For everyone." Youngbae encouraged.

Youngbae motioned for them to stop crying, but they only remained silent and instead of sobs, loud tears fell down their pale faces and red eyes.

"How can I? How can we stay strong when TOP-hyung himself could not?" Jiyong whispered brokenly.

All my fault. He would think. It was all my fault, no one elses but mine. All my fault. It was because of me that everything turned out this way. All my fault.

"TOP-hyung! Why won't you wake up?!" Jiyong begged as he stared at the motionless face that was Seunghyun's. And still, despite the condition he was in, despite his pale and sunken face, Jiyong still thought it was the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever laid upon. His heart swelled with love and guilt and remorse. Every feeling imaginable and describable and identifiable at the sight.

Why did he have to do this to him?! Why did he have to be so ******** up?! He wanted to scream and shout and pound onto Seunghyun's chest to get him to wake up. But he knew it wouldn't do anything. He knew it wouldn't help any. He knew it would probably only make things worse.

It was all his fault. He drove Seunghyun to do this. He drove Seunghyun away because he was so ******** absorbed with himself. He was so ******** stupid to take Seunghyun for granted this way. He just had to become one for the company that thrived off of ratings and money and s**t. How bad he wanted to make up with Seunghyun and just go back to the times where they were so happily in love with each other.

Nothing and no one but them, only the two of them. Not Seunghyun and Jiyong. Not him and hyung. But together. Because he didn't want this to happen. He could only wish that he could change things as they were. This was probably the worst mistake he had ever made in his entire lifetime. And ******** damn, he regretted this so damn much it hurt like ******** crazy.

"You'll wake up, right hyung? For me?" Jiyong pleads as he wrapped his own small warm and pale hands around Seunghyun's big cold and limp one.

But all Seunghyun did was lay there upon the hospital bed, breathing still shallow and his face all the more still pale. Not even one eyelash was batted, not even one finger twitched. The only indication that Seunghyun was still alive was the steady beeping of the heart monitor in the dull background and the uneven rise and fall of Seunghyun's chest.

Hours passed into days and days soon enough passed into weeks. Seunghyun's hospitalization was taking its toll on Jiyong's mentality and bodily condition.
He refused to eat, he refused to drink. He even refused to shower. He even refused to step out of the room that he cooped himself in, with only Seunghyun's many clothes and stuffed animals to keep him company, only stepping outside to visit the hospital where Seunghyun was brought.
Jiyong wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his time here in Seunghyun's room or next to Seunghyun himself upon his hospital bed. And sometimes he would. Sometimes Jiyong would just go there and sit next to Seunghyun and do nothing but watch him breathe. It was a small and tedious thing, but it's what kept Jiyong alive. Sometimes Jiyong even dared to climb upon the bed and snuggle into Seunghyun's warm body heat, wrapping his arms around Seunghyun but being wary and mindful of the wires.
But other times, Jiyong would simply stay at home, in that room that Seunghyun used to spend so much time in when he was so damn absorbed in himself and thought of no one else but him, and stare at the blank walls and think of nothing but Seunghyun and their shared memories. He would think of everything that would possibly relate to Seunghyun anyway possible, but in the process of doing so he also killed himself slowly from the inside out.

He mainly liked to spend so much time in Seunghyun's room on his bed because if he thought long and hard enough, if he could just stay there and hug that one plushie Seunghyun always loved to hug in his sleep, he could pretend that Seunghyun was right there next to him, right there with him, alive and healthy and well. But it was difficult.

It was hard because he knew it wasn't true, if the indicating sign of the empty space all around him whenever he should wake up from his sleep told him anything. It seemed that Jiyong spoke less and less as time passed by, and not once had Seunghyun woken up. It drove him insane.

He wanted Seunghyun to wake up already, to be healthy again and be with him right there with him by his side, where he was supposed to be.

And his prayers were answered one day when it was one of those times where Jiyong just sat beside Seunghyun and did nothing but stare and absorb all the wonderful details of Seunghyun's beautiful face.

Seunghyun's eyelashes fluttered, and his eyes slowly yet surely opened, blinking numerous times as it slowly became accustomed to the blinding light and white walls. The first thing Seunghyun saw was Jiyong's surprised and shocked face that soon gave way to relief and a happy smile spread all around.

Seunghyun couldn't help but to think he just saw an angel as the lights from the ceiling seemed to accentuate everything about him. But then Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips as he tried to recall what happened where he was everything in-between.

"Seunghyun! You're awake! You're finally awake!" Jiyong cried out with a rather raspy voice due to the disusage in utter joy as he cried tears of complete happiness.

"W-where am I?" Seunghyun asked softly, voice also scratchy and rough due to being asleep for so long and his vocal cords were a bit rusty from not being used for such an extended period of time.

"You're at the hospital. You... you overdosed on meds." Jiyong said sadly as his tears dried and happy expression replaced with remorse.

"But! You're fine now! So you don't need to worry!" Jiyong said with a tone of slightly forced cheer and a smile that matched.

Seunghyun frowned in confusion and instead of saying something in reply to Jiyong's prescence and the fact that he was actually there or in response to Jiyong's statements,

"Who are you?" and those words made Jiyong's world come crumbling down with loud thunder and a paled face that brought even more tears to his eyes.

Seunghyun... didn't... remember him?!

"You're... you're kidding me right?" Jiyong denied in a forced light hearted manner as he began to laugh hysterically.
"You're such a kidder! You remember me! Of... of course you do!" Jiyong laughsed out with a choked sob. His smile was wide and fake, so much so that it hurt Jiyong's face as much as it hurt Seunghyun's heart.

"U-umm.. no... I can't say I do..." Seunghyun meeps out feebly, a bit taken aback and scared of what he's seeing before him. And at that, Jiyong's face fell in depressed, remorseful expression as his smile disappeared and the sparkles in his eyes that were gone for so long now, disappeared once again.

The sparks in his eyes were replaced with shimmering tears and his smiling face was replaced with a frown.
And Jiyong's heart? It broke, into so many pieces, it was perhaps the worst pain he's ever felt, even more so than the fact that he took Seunghyun for granted.

Because yes, he knows damn well how ******** shallow he can be, and he acknowledges his own damn stupidity. But that doesn't do anything now, that just doesn't ******** make the cut now. Because Seunghyun's in the hospital, and what's worse? His heart was probably in worse condition than his body was.

He's pretty damn sure, that whatever pain he's felt up to now, despite it being the worst pain he's ever felt, that Seunghyun had experienced much worse. And it was all dealt by his own hands.

He has blood on his hands, and he doesn't know how to erase it. It scares him.

Seunghyun's heart, he would think, had been crushed into millions of pieces, over and over again. So much so to the point that Jiyong was sure he would never be able to put it back together again. But every single time, somehow some way, he always managed to put it back together again. And he'd place his scarred heart right back into Jiyong's merciless hands only to have the process repeated.

And ******** damn, why did he only have to realize all this ******** s**t now off all times when Seunghyun was ******** screwed up in the head and heart and damn ********, he's pretty sure he doesn't make much sense anymore.

His sobs rack his body, he shook his head in denial. But no matter what he did, no matter what he thought, he knew the blatant truth set before him was something he'd have to acknowledge sooner or later.

And it hurts like a damn b***h.

But I deserve it. Jiyong would think, because damn he ******** does no matter what others might say in order to console him.

More tears fell down his cheeks as his body soon grew cold and even numb. And all Seunghyun could do was watch in confusion in turmoil because this beautiful angel before him was crying his eyes out because of what he just said, and it for some reason just made his heart hurt so much.

But he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't move, he could barely speak. It was confusing enough that he overdosed on some damn meds for who knows what reason, and he's now in this damn hospital bed.

How long was he even comatose for?! God, his head hurt like crazy and he wanted to know who this person was, who he himself was.

But the further back he thought, the more he tried to think of everything that was going on, his head continuously grew to have a painful and sharp headache. And soon enough, a huge pang that was like a sharp stab hit his brain and he cried out in pain as he shakily raised his arms to press against his head as random images seemed to appear here and there.

What was going on?!

His memories were coming back. But, in a random order, and only little snippets that were irrelevant for him to know, irrelevant to what he needed, wanted to know.

And tears began to stream down his cheeks and his face scrunched up in turmoil as the terrible pain in his head grew worse and worse, and that made Jiyong look up from his previous position of head down and a slight fetal position in that plastic chair he always sat in whenever he visit Seunghyun.

"TOP-hyung?! Oh my god, TOP-hyung!" Jiyong cried out in despair as he saw the tears run down Seunghyun's face and Jiyong began to panic as he got up and looked around the room, not knowing what to do.

And then a sudden random thought of doctor flashed in his head and his eyes widened in realization that [******** damn he should be getting a doctor here, and with that he yelled out in a quick frenzied manner,

"TOP-hyung! I-I'll be right back! I'll go get a doctor!" and before Jiyong bolted out the door in search of a doctor, he quickly bent down to kiss Seunghyun upon his forehead in hopes of somehow alleviating his pain, even if by just a tad bit, and turned around ready to run out the door.

But at Jiyong's light touch upon Seunghyun's head, the pain seemed to receded momentarily before coming back full force when Jiyong moved away.

"NO!" Seunghyun cried out desperately as he grabbed Jiyong's wrist and pulled him back to him.

"Please... stay here..." Seunghyun pleaded, pain still wracking his body and features.

And Jiyong's features seemed to soften just a bit, but worry and frenzy still evident upon his features.

"But... but.. you need a doctor!" Jiyong replied with uncertainty.

"Just... please... stay here, with me?" Seunghyun again pleaded, hope laced in his voice and face. Sweat began to build upon his forehead, and the sharp pain was slowly receding as Seunghyun's hold on Jiyong's wrist remained.

"B-but..." Jiyong tried to say, but sighed deeply as he finally receded. "F-fine."

But as he let go of Jiyong's wrist, the unbearable pain came back full force with a nasty bite that was much worse than it's bark, and Seunghyun fainted as his body could no longer keep up with the horrible pain.

And Jiyong cried out in surprise and was so worried. But he stayed, just as promised. He watched Seunghyun's face as it remained twisted in pain and Jiyong placed his hand upon Seunghyun's face to remove the hair out of his eyes. At Jiyong's touch, Seunghyun's face seemed to change into peaceful, painless features. And it took Jiyong's breath away. Deciding to take a nap next to Seunghyun, despite him not remembering him, despite all the pain that he had just felt, despite all his damn crying, he climbed on the hospital bed that was normally only meant for one, and snuggled into Seunghyun's side closely. He inhaled the scent that was purely Seunghyun, wanting to bask in his presence while he could, before he woke up and broke Jiyong's heart once again.

And Jiyong fell asleep just like that, his arms wrapped around Seunghyun's waist, head laid upon his shoulder and breath evened out. And a precious sight it was, when Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri walked in an hour later to find Jiyong sleeping beside a passed out Seunghyun.

They could see tears stains on both of their faces, but decided to leave that for a later time. They knew that Jiyong cried every time he came to visit Seunghyun. They thought the sight was terribly adorable, but it left a pang in their hearts as they realized that Jiyong and Seunghyun both probably thought that they caused all of this.

And so they left the two sleeping alone, going back to the apartment as they remained silent.

If only they knew what had happened only an hour prior to their arrival. Things would've been so much different had they been there earlier.