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I want to experience a type of love where I feel my heart skip a beat at the sight of my crush. A type of love where they don't care about all of my flaws and my mistakes, someone who'll love me for who I am. I want to meet someone and share with them a type of love where they make me smile widely at their antics and make me laugh along with their contagious happiness. I... would like to meet someone who makes my heart skip a beat (in a good way) and makes my knees turn into that jelly type of feeling. When my heart feels like it's fluttering and my stomach is doing these acrobatic tricks of flips and flops, that's a good sign. A type of guy who would win over my heart with a beautiful serenade and sweep me off my feet like a knight in shining armor. A guy who would can make me smile despite my mood.

I want to experience a type of love that makes me heart swell and my face glow and my heart explode with happiness. A love that is <i>just like that</i>, the kind I see with my friends. It's so endearing and I feel oddly jealous and it's unreasonable but I know no one would want a girl like me. That's because I'm the type of girl who has more flaws than the average girl, more plain than most of my friends and the type of girl who has no redeeming qualities to. Is it wrong to feel so down when I know for a fact that I'm not exactly the type of girl someone would want to date?

I'm not ready for a relationship, that's obvious. I'm young and simply a teenager who doesn't know what love is. But why can't I be lucky like my friends who have already found at least one boyfriend prior? Even currently, some of my friends have boyfriends. Most are older, a few are younger. It makes sense when I take into account how boring I seem to be. I'm not entirely great at socializing and I'm still awkward with my friends since I never take the time to hang out and get to know them like some of my friends do.

I feel so despicable when I feel jealous of the love that my friends share in their own relationships because I want to know, what it feels like to be in love and to be loved back.