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Well Gaia I'm back again, I'm here because this is a safe place to vent. I always wandered why the hell do people post all their thoughts on facebook or something, it's because they have nothing better to do and they want to let that person know how they feel. I really don't have room to talk, that's how I let an ex know I liked her. I won't do that this time, I intend to do my damnedest not to tell my current girlfriend about all these journals. I need someone to talk to and I have nothing else to do. So, ********. Good, got that out. She moved sad . I know it's not the end of the world or even our relationship. As hard as it is to believe I haven't dated many girls, only 2 of which were long distance, one being someone I'd never met in person and the other being one I dated for a month and moved away. I loved both. the first just kinda... ended. No words were spoken, I just stopped getting on Gaia, as did she. Second, she ended it. I didn't think their was a problem but that's the thing, the face you used to see everyday you can't see now, so while she sounds moderatly interested on the phone, she really doesn't care. We lasted about 2 months after I moved... two months that absolutely flew by. Now it's a little different, she moved and I didn't. I already had to deal with pre-existing insecurities when we started dating, this only rehashed. All I can think about is her, and our future, will we have a future? She in college, she's 19, honestly why would she stay with me when there's a whole school full of people she can find to be my soul-mate. She claims to be Bi-sexual making it ever worse. I just, I'm tearing up here, I don't want to be forgotten. I was forgotten by my first "love of my life"(the current girl carries the title with a hell of a lot more meaning) and it sucked. I knew it the whole time to, she didn't want me to keep calling, she didn't care. I wasn't there and she had her own s**t to deal with. If my current breaks up with me, I don't want the reason to be the distance, please be that she found someone else. She seems content with me though, and I know I'm overreacting, It's college, back when I was more confident I expected this. She's going to be super busy with her new friends, she won't have time for me, not in the beggining anyways. I shouldn't get mad or worried that she's forgetting about me, she's busy. She better not attribute this to a summer fling either. I understand where Josh is kinda coming from, guys are crazy. I don't want a fling, I'm 20 and damnit, I'm ready to settle. So it's settle, CHILL THE ******** OUT, CALM THE ******** DOWN. I just need to hurry and get in the Air Force or whoever the hell will take me and get my mind off it. Sometimes I wander if I'm to selfless then i realize how selfish that is and try to give more. Just, this sucks. Chill the ******** out bro, you got this. Get your s**t straight, get through this ******** hurricane, join the Air Force, get out, make friends, get happy damnit. I WANT TO SEE YOU NOT QUESTION YOUR HAPPINESS. Well, after she moved away anyways, before then, I sure as hell didn't question it. Night guys smile
 hikaru23232 · Tue Aug 28, 2012 @ 03:42am · 0 Comments |
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