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The Girlfriend Chronicals... |
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It's a little weird to think that i've made it this far. Through the fire and the flames we carry on i supose. This mediocre life is exactly what i asked for and received. Its wasn't a terrible life it just seems that, with all the stuff thats happening now, it looks like its been a terrible life. But it wasn't i know it hasn't, its weird to see through the muck with your eyes closed. I have almost everything i could have asked for, Friends, a job, my year off from school. Its clear to me that once i hit middle school that was exactly what i wanted when i got out of high school. Thats all i could have asked for, i thought i'd had my taste at love, and could push it out of the way to be able to make through with my plans thought out and intact. I consider my first stray from these plans to be the evil Carla. She broke up with me pretty much everyother day for a while. I don't remember feeling feelings for her. I still remember the first day we met, and she looked beutiful. My eyes had wondered how they had gone 11 years with registering such beuty. It was also the first time a girl had made me feel so... just so lucky. I had asked a friend of mine to ask her out for me, funny thing was I only knew her name. Later that school day she walked up next to me and said "Do you like me?" I said yeah and she asked me out. I said did my friend ask you and she said no. I felt so god damned lucky in that instant. It went uphill from there, while i never told her I loved her, on her our third day of going out she told me she loved me. I think we broke up for the first time very soon after. But in her words i was to silly, which I didn't think so at the time. So she broke up with me, i can't remember for how long. We must have done this at least 20 times before one of us became fed up. One time she called and i can't remember why but i started crying. So i left it alone and added her to my hate list, which was rather small at the time, she may have been the first on it. Around seventh or eighth grade i met a girl online. She went out with a friend of mine who broke up with her a week later. I don't know why i got mad, but i felt very mad at him for doing that, I called her later that night, and we started going out together. I took it so seriously, that was the first time I said I love you to a girl and meant it. About a month later, I got a crush on this one girl, and asked her out, then i just freaked out as i realized that i was still going out with the internet girl. I messaged her and everything begging for forgiveness almost as if she had seen the hole thing. Then in eigth grade Carla, who had moved, came back. I remember the day she reregistered at the school, i was the first to see her in the cafeteria, and almost screamed "Oh my God, Carla's back" and spent the rest of lunch talking about how much me and my friends hated her. About a week later we ended up going back out. I was so happy, it was weird, we had no problems at all together this time. We hugged and were almost inseprabul. Then, one day, i was eating breakfast with a friend of mine, and he was done so he was going on to class, and i hadn't been thinking about it at all. I said "While your on your way out, will you break up with Carla for me." He said sure and did the deed. She just cried and cried. My god it was hilarius, revenge 2 years in the making. Her sister and friends came over trying to talk me out of it, but i was almost laughing to hard to respond, and when i could respond i just said no. While i saw her quite often i pretty much never talked to her again. There was a girl I had a crush on in seventh grade. Her name was Danielle. She was hard into drinking and pot and what not. It gets to where in i hang around a girl for to long i develop a crush. One day in science class I decided to ask her out. I had a calculator that could also do letters so i typed it on that. Then i chickened out, and got scared, and for whatever reason gave the calculator to an ok friend of mine. She said yes, so i started going out with her. The only thing of interest was that i showed up at a Band Concert she was in. When i sat down i noticed two people out of the bunch and thought "I bet those are her parents"... they were. When it ended i went to meet her and she was so happy to see me it through me off guard. She practically glomped me. We were happy together, but when, at the end of seventh grade, i got summer school she broke up with me, for being in summer school. Funny it didn't hurt me none. That was it for the rest of middle school. I developed more crushes that i didn't respond to and that was that. I got summer school in eigth grade, which helped a bit. There was one girl, that i had a bit of a crush on since around 7th-8th grade, and it was still going strong. Luckly she lived like a football field away from the school. Her name will not be named in this exert, instead she will go by KT. So we hung out EVERYday for the next two weeks. It was amazing, about 2-3 days in, she invited me and my brother to go bowling. That sealed the deal, I HAD to ask this girl out. I knew she was just being nice when we hung out, sure we were great friends but as far as i knew, she just didn't think of me like that. Hell, we hung out at a playground, we even layed down next to eachother in the forest looking up at the trees, and even in those perfect settings I just couldn't ask her out. I was just so unsure if she liked me back the same i felt for her. Thats currently one of my biggest regrets, while we did go out, i waited so long that the same day i asked her out not but like an hour later my mom told me we were moving in a month. Back at the summer school part, i posted in my Gaia journals pretty much telling her i had a crush on her. We didn't talk for a while. It was a good summer, and i guess I took her finding out and not saying anything as a sign that she just wasn't interested. Then one day i got a call from her at band camp from a friends cell. It wasn't anything important just her calling. She said she would call me back later that night, i said cool and she did call. We had some basic conversation, then close to the end of the call she said another guy had asked her out. I felt pretty destroyed, and just assumed that she said yes. I said, Oh cool what did he say. She said "No, i'm kinda waiting on you to ask me". I'd never felt so elated after being so destroyed so fast in my life. Funny thing is, even after she said that, I told her i would ask her in person. So we planned a get together with my brother and circle of friends, which included her. That day was today, four years ago. We hung out basically all day, and it wasn't till i had about left her company that i finally asked her out. Then she had the gall to hesitate before she said "yeah sure". Then that was it, i spent the rest of the day near her. Then i spent the night at a friends house and all I could think about was her, and how i should react when i saw her again tomorow. I had a dream that night, that while i liked it, it was like a preminition. My mom had said we might have to move, over the phone that day. So in the dream was me and KT and we were just holding on to each other for dear life. Occaisionally we would shift position from my arm around her shoulder to holding her hand and vise versa(I know this sounds sexual but it wasn't). We were like that for five minutes. Then she got up, and just walked away. The dream soon became darker and darker around the edges and i just sat there looking sad, then i woke up. We hung out that day and when i went home. Thats where my mom told me we were DEFINATLY moving. I took it ok at first, hell it was like i had known all along(and i hadn't). I hung out with KT every wensday in August and the saterday in the exact middle of it. They were all just magically wonderful days, lets face it, I was in love with the girl. The saterday was especially...special. I was 14 and she helped me forget i was moving at all...when I wasn't at home. I was set to move on labor day. When I knew the set date, it felt a little rush but that hardly changed anything, I thought, but I think that we got our goodbyes out on the 3rd wensday of the month. The fourth wensday was so AWKWARD. I thought it was my fault, and in a way it was. We just sat there, I tried to hold her, but she was so sad?, or awkward?, or a bit of both. I should have said something, anything, but I didn't, I messed up our last day as BF/GF, in person...that I just ugh. There were so many ways I could, and should have said. We hugged, and I left, tension thicker than blubber. Small divergence but this talks a bit about my charecter, two things happened that i have never told anyone becuase I handled them both just so terribly. The first thing happened on the third wensday of August, we were talking on the phone the day before and she said, I'm not so sure now, that she didn't think she could handle and long distance relationship, so she said she wanted to break up with me. I took it terribly, I didn't let her hear on the phone but my voice was shaking, NO I didn't cry thank you very much. I bought her a necklace and wrote her a letter saying that i wished she would give it a shot but that i also understood her wishes. The next day at school i told all our friends and looked a wreck. But when she got to school she said that she didn't say that. I was so happy i didn't question it. I threw the note away and still gave her the necklace. She still doesn't ware it or a ring i got her. I don't mind, I still think its funny and she's very cute when she blushes, and when she's speachless. The other thing happened like the day before i left. We were talking and I just got something in my head. Then i posted it. I told her i would run away, and live in the woods behind her house. I regret doing that now, but after i said it there was no going. She FREAKED, and tried to talk me out of it. Now that I think about it, I feel a little bad about her not hardly doing anything about it, but i had made her promise not to tell anyone. I waited till she called at like ten that night to tell her that I had decided not to. I told her I loved her like 4 times and hardly gave her the time to talk, I quickly got off the phone feeling like an a**. Lets face it I was, I shouldn't have done that, cause I knew good and damn well there was no way I could run away. We were still going out after I moved, and I called as often as I could, but I was always the only one talking. I saw her one more time before we broke up. It was a weekend and my parents wanted to check on the people they had rented our house to. I spent all the time at my friend's house, and we all went to KT's church halloween thing. I spent almost the entire time trying to get her to go off with me alone, just so I could hug her and hold her hand. It didn't work out like that, I spent most of the time alone... sure I felt stupid and like a jackass, but I thought that she would notice me missing and come looking for me. I'd go back to the group and make sure she saw me, then walk away to a side of a hill the church was on and look at the stars and wait. She never went over there. There was one finaly chance that night, it was on the hayride. She sat next to me. Things would come out of the woods and attempt to scare us. At one point she grabbed on to my arm, and like an idiot I pulled away out of habit. Then my parents came to pick me up, I had given her a hat of mine. She tried to give it back, I just threw it down and ran away, typical high school action. Then she broke up with me. It was two days after her birthday. She sayed she was to swamped and didn't think she could balance everything. I told her it was ok, and i meant it, I was sad but I knew it was only a matter of time. We've hardly ever talked about it since. I've said some things, but thats quite the taboo subject. It was like a dream, and you know what they say about a dream you wake up in the middle of... you remember them better than the ones you finish. When i tell people about my girlfriends I always leave out Racheal, or forget Carla's name. I remember everything about the time me and KT spent together. It was what I had to go on and how I adapted. Over the next four years I would think about it less and less, but never completly and i can still remember everything about our time together. My latest girlfriend's name was Danielle, not the same one from seventh grade. We weren't meant to last and ended 2 months later. I screwed that relationship up from the start. I asked her about her preivious boyfriends on our first late night phone conversation(we had these almost everynight we were together.). She asked me about my previous girlfriends, big mistake. From that conversation till our final, every call, garunteed, I talked about KT in some form. I never talked about anyother GF just KT. Thats probably why she broke up with me. And thats all she wrote.
 hikaru23232 · Sat Jul 31, 2010 @ 08:30pm · 0 Comments |
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